Path201X's blog from premed to Doctor in 201X, where's my "scripper scrapper"??

The bridge between pathology and technology

2012-01-29T12:36:00.009-05:00

People that know me, know me to be a little on the stingy side and I've realized that occasionally, I pay the price literally for being that way, ie Sony Viao versus the MacBook (yes, I'm STILL trying to get over it).

So I was pretty excited to realize 2 minutes after taking it out of the box, that this would NOT be the case with my new iPad, or should I say "our" iPad since I have as many images of the group Mindless Behavior on it as path images, thanks to my teenaged daughter. And while it won't replace my love for my Laptop (even though it IS a Viao), I really do LOVE it too and find the images to be VERY high quality (the image above is taken from my iPad). That's kinda cool, right? And the images are as sharp as those I'd see looking under a microscope, so my "dream" of reading slides from the beaches of South Beach Florida could one day come true, LOL!!!

Otherwise, I don't have anything new in my life to talk about as it relates to me, but I'm pretty happy that my 10th daughter is starting to get letters of interest from Universities across the US, I'm assuming based on her PSAT scores/high school grades. And while I think there's room from improvement and obvious remnant from having finally beat the MCAT down, it's a blessing to realize that if she keeps up the good work, student loans won't need to be a part of her financial aid package.

Speaking of that, I’ve pretty much decided to apply to med school in the summer of 2013 or next summer since that will mean I’d start AFTER my kid finishes high school. Sure I know there are mothers that manage to balance the two, but I’ve made the very conscious decision NOT to for HER. IMHO, when you’re in med school you simply can NOT be there for your kid the way you could if you weren’t, and I’m choosing to be there, 100%, for my kid. Plus when you’re 45, one year just doesn’t make that much difference but for a kid in high school, it could make all the difference in the world!

So what will I do in the meantime? Ideally, I’d like to make some progress toward my PhD and what would really be cool is if I could start med school needing only to finish a dissertation project (or be a MD1/PhD3 student). That’s means that my coursework and cumulative exams would ALL be completed AND passed, leaving me to research, write, and defend my dissertation. That of course, is going to take some special finesse because that’s not traditionally how it’s done to which I respond that not much in my academic life has followed a “traditional” path anyway. So it’s just a matter of me lining up support for something like this, beyond my old advisor for my MS Pharmacology program.

And that’s what I’ll focus on over the next 3-4 months, lining up that support!!

Path's top 5 What da' ????? moments of late, Spring 2012 edition

2012-01-22T10:50:00.000-05:00

There's a LOT going on these days that has me going "what da' ??????

1) Newt G won the South Carolina primary and managed to successfully deflect questions about his marital infidelity by placing blame on the main stream media for the discourse in American politics during a CNN debate last week. What da' ???, I like Romney!

2) A Republican member of congress had to apologize for publicly criticizing the size of the first ladies butt. What da ???? First off, black men like her HUSBAND, LOVE women with big butts, second WTH is he doing LOOKING at her butt in the first place and third, HIS butt is FAR larger than hers!!!! No wonder congress can't get anything done!

3) Gas is almost 4$ a gallon, what da' ????? We MUST find US created means of energy ASAP!!!!

4) Word is that while the number of residency slots remains the same, the number of applicants for those slots is going to exceed the number of slots available by 2015. What da' ?????? I guess I'm lucky I'm targeting residecy with the federal gov't and a career in clinical/academic research. Or am I????

5) I've got a full-time, reasonably stressful gig, 2 computer based classes, 1 kid, and a personal statement for both med school AND grad school to complete by May 2012. What da' ?????, ain't life grand, LOL?????

A VERY looooooonnnnnggggg week!

2012-01-20T19:03:00.006-05:00

Despite this being a "short" work week, it felt VERY long! I managed to get "thrown under the bus" 3 times by the cow I work with which was a record! Everything from not being told about a meeting held by the insecure PhD that our group was supposed to attend (that she told me earlier I didn't need to attend), to her asking me in front of our boss a question she knew I didn't know the answer to. Even my Supv commented afterwards that he thought what she was doing was obvious to which I said to myself, if that's the case then why in the hell won't you do something about this 'ish?!?! Thankfully, my arse was saved at the meeting because one of the other Scientists I work with texted me that EVERYONE in my group was there BUT me (I was neck deep in 3 IHC experiments and barely paid attention to what was going on around me). And when I say I cursed that cow I work with all the way to the meeting under my breath please believe I did! Woooooooo-Saaaaaaaaaaa, just practice for Residency!

Moving on, my classes are going well and I've decided NOT to take on a second job which I think was the right thing to do. I've also been conditionally admitted to an MS program in Bioinformatics, the same one that admitted me last year, and I've opted for the part-time program in case I need to keep a regular 9-5 at the same time. Of course, that will mean leaving my current position because the hours are no longer flexible and given how "Bovine" my current gig is, that would be fine with me! I'm also still waiting to hear back about a formal NIH fellowship which would be ideal for too many reasons to name, not the least of which is tuition remission.

On a sadder note, I don't know how many of my readers are Jazz fans and/or have seen the movie Cadillac Records, but today a legend in music passed away from cancer, Ms. Etta James. People who've seen the movie may recall that Beyonce' played her in the movie and I think she did a pretty good job. What I was far less fond of was Beyonce' singing Etta James' signature song at President Obama's inauguration. At any rate, I hope you enjoy this tribute to Ms. James by Beyonce':

The shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line

2012-01-15T16:59:00.008-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I KNOW that, but for some reason (me), it's never really worked out that way, LOL!!!

I was warned earlier today by a friend that I was in danger of having too much on my plate. Again, like I really need that in my life these days. But the fact is that the changes at the job I thought I would have until I was ready to start med school, have discombobulated (Ebonics word) my "plans". Starting with 2 of the 3 part-time gigs I was considering, one tutoring minority/disadvantaged kids after school and 2) teaching at a local CC, it's quite obvious NEITHER of those are going to work because I no longer have a flexible work schedule. Luckily for me I plan to the nth degree, so it looks like my plan #3 to work PRN in a hospital Path lab on weekends is the new plan "A" for a second gig.

But when put together with my plan to come out of the "research" lab I currently work in, which is now becoming more like mindless work on a factor floor assembly line (Dr. Insecure's idea unfortunately), it makes perfect sense.

Meanwhile, my Perl and R-stats classes are getting easier and more interesting and every day, I understand the articles published in my new favorite publication, the Journal of Cancer Informatics, better than I did the day before. The down side, my butt hurts from sitting so much so I'm thinking about investing in one of those standing desks. Interestingly but not ironically, the fact that I'm pretty tired when I get home, yet manage to get on my school work rather quickly and easily, working until 10 or 11 at night, means we're eating a LOT of leftovers these days! And that seeing other people get arbitrarily laid off, has lit a fire under my arse!

Pearls of wisdom

2012-01-14T09:51:00.003-05:00

So earlier this week, I started a new programming course called Perl even though I haven't finished the Java programming course I started last summer. Why? Because I don't need no freakin' Java! Okay, so it's going to help a little that I'm "familiar" with Java but Bioinformaticians (which I'm not so sure I want to be), usually use Perl or Python to analyze data from databases like Entrez Gene or OMIM. Of course, the very first problem I realized is that Mac OS already comes with Perl, but because I was being CHEAP and got a Sony Viao instead, I had to "suffer" through figuring out how to get my PC to run the software (and yeah, I barely understand what I just said too, LOL!!). Luckily, it only took me 3 days to upload the right software and run my first script, "hello world".

I also feel like I've come to the permanent realization that I'd prefer to spend the time between now and medical school doing Bioinformatics and NOT in a lab. More than that, I realize that the reason is primarily because I'm sick and tired of the political BS games people, especially those in big pharma, like to play. But then anyone reading this probably isn't surprised to hear that since I've consistently complained about the "politics" of corporate employment for years! But it's not just politics, it seems many companies are taking advantage of their employees during these hard times because they know so many people need jobs! For example, the insecure Vice prez/PhD that accused me of being defensive when I defended my poster and who was responsible for my Supv's Supv getting laid off, has now implemented mandatory work hours for folks who largely do in vivo work. Now how STUPID is that? So if you have to dose an animal at 4 AM, you must STILL leave work no earlier than 4 PM, even if you're already on target to get your 40 hours in for the week. In other words, we want your a** to work for free!!! WTH, welcome to the world of working in a depression! So, I easily recognize that I may not survive the next round of layoffs which I heard are coming in March which is review time, so I've started preparing accordingly which included applying to a few positions last week.

And along those same lines, I'm specifically targeting a number of government sponsored fellowships in the hopes of finding one that will allow me to throw my deuces sign up by early summer and give me that hands on Bioinformatics experience I so desperately want. I'm also looking at internships with local companies that do bioinformatics, but those for whatever reason, are a little harder to come by. So I’ve decided that it's time for me to leverage being an Alumnus of numerous schools to see what I can find, since being a G'town alum in particular, seems to open a LOT of doors especially in Metro DC. Ultimately, I'd like to telecommute/work from home a few days per week just to get myself out of the "play politics" rule that seems to run local jobs. But if that doesn't happen, I'd be perfectly happy working around a lot of smart, educated, SECURE, individuals who's interest in their jobs go well beyond getting a paycheck every 2 weeks.

What goes up, must come down, and down, and down, and down

2012-01-07T10:53:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was the "survivor's meeting" at my company where the CEO gave a speech intended to keep us all from immediately applying to other jobs, LOL!!! And I guess time will tell if it actually works or not.

But what I find increasingly interesting as I consider on a deeper level how drugs come to market, is how proper preparation on the front end of it could often prevent complicated and irrecoverable (is that a word?) problems in the future. All that said, at the end of my thought process, I realize that alturism is rarely a motive for bringing a new drug to market which may make a HUGE difference in the "Karma" that gets "created" when the process is started. And as much as I'd like to elaborate more, in the interest of keeping my job until I'm ready to leave and with the realization that the Internet ain't all that anonymous, that's all I'm going to say about it that at this point. What I will say is that I'm thrilled to be one of the few people in the world who is truly driven by altruism when it comes to my career (or I'd be using one or more of those degrees I have to make MUCH more money working somewhere else, LOL!).

This week was also a challenge from the "Mom" perspective which I suspect will be the case until my now 15 year old female kid becomes an adult (and perhpas beyond that). And like most of our "challenges", they pretty much amount to her either a) forgetting that I'm an adult (BAD idea!) or b) forgetting that all the excuses/tricks kids use to get out of doing their school work, I'm already quite familiar with!!! Needless to say, it couldn't have come at a worse time but as always, we made it through, though she's gonna be on punishment until the summer!!!

Winning!

2012-01-05T17:01:00.003-05:00

Brief post, Path201X is STILL working in Pharma......................And STILL needs to work on her on line editing skills too, LOL!!!

Is my "slip" showing?

2012-01-04T18:08:00.004-05:00

So according to rumors, the dreaded pink slips go out tomorrow ahead of the "survivors meeting" my company is holding on Friday. And if there were EVER a time I was longing to be in the "uncertain" world of grant applications and academia it's now because at least in academia, you often get a few months leeway before the financial bottom drops out. What I can say is that IF I survive this round of layoffs, I won't stick around to experience the next set which is supposed to happen in March, performance review time. Honestly, I don't see how ANYONE works like this but I guess millions of people like it and do it everyday! And the idea that all this is related to stock prices makes me want to throw up. Yeah, lets just throw a couple hundred peoples financial situation into a hell hole to keep our investors happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, the world is all about the bottom line/the almighty dollar these days!!! Still, it seems a rather callous process at the end of the day!

So at this point I think it's safe to say that I've learned all the professional lessons I feel I needed to learn at this company to the point where I just want to get the hell out ASAP, even if it does involve a drop in pay. Peace of mind will NEVER have a price and it's a sentiment I haven't experienced since I finished my Master's thesis 4 years ago. And 4 years is a hellva' long time to go without having professional peace of mind!

Happy New Year!!

2012-01-02T11:21:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my 2012 blog!!! Yeah!

I spent New Year's Day at my new favorite hangout spot Wegman's, working on my Bioinformatics stuff. Yep, back on track with that again after getting word from a few Pathologists I know of in Pathology Informatics that having this training is going to put me way ahead of the curve in terms of where the field of Pathology is headed. That is unless Paths loose billing control of all the new laboratory methods evolving in the field (and the realization that money really is at the heart of damn near everything in the world is a little disconcerting). It's also going to open up new employment opportunities for me which I'd really like to add along side my work in histology/pathology. But finding a position like that may not be as easy as I'd like though I am aware of 1 opening at a local university which just so happens to also be recruiting me to apply their med school so yes, this is a no brainer, I plan to submit my app later today.

I've also started working on my list of schools to apply to and have some up with 5, with no DO schools on the list. Why you ask? Because having DO behind my name in Academia/Research is a disadvantage. Of course, having the letters "DO" is FAR better than NO doctoral level clinical training at all which is why if I'm not accepted the first year I apply, I'll include at least one DO school the following year. I'm also working on my personal statement which is a lot harder than I imagined it would be because I've got so much to say about how I came to be interested in a medical career.

In other more frivolous news, I'm going back and forth between purchasing another iTouch with more memory or getting an iPad. On the one hand, I wear bifocals (with OUT the lines thank you, LOL) so I can use a bigger screen to read from when I'm in the bed surfing the net. But the iPAd I want is $600 bucks and given all the other things I'm going to be investing in this year ( hellooooo med school apps, ordering 100 transcripts, ect), that I should probably go with the cheaper iTouch and call it a day. Plus I just spent almost a grand last summer on a laptop for my bioinformatics program (And yeah, I should have paid the additional $200 and gotten the Mac book, and no I don't think I'm going to EVER get over it!). So we'll see!

Let's see what else, Christmas vacation was pretty much a disaster as my Mother couldn't resist the temptation to make me feel like an idiot in front of family like she always does. So to those of you with great, respectful, positive relationships with your Mom's, cherish that because not everyone has it. Needless to say, I cut my vacation in half and came home to Maryland. I am planning a more fun, stress free visit to my relatives in NC either this month or next when my Mother will NOT be there. Shame it's that way, but it is what it is. Times like these I just wish my Dad was around because he and I were thick as thieves!

And on that "Mommy dearest" note, I'll end this post! Have a great week! :)

Sweet potato pie, 8 paid days off, and other 'ish

2011-12-23T16:53:00.002-05:00

So today was my last day at work until Jan 3 and ALL the days off are on the company's dime. In other words, I don't have to use my paid time off! Woooo-hoooooo!!! So as is customary for me, I made sweet potato pie from scratch and brought it to work. And came home with 2/3 left. Now I don't mean to brag, but in the past when I bring this particular baked item to work, it lasts an hour before it's all gone! But not with this crowd, who weren't impressed with the whipped cream I brought along with it. Well no problem, that's one less pie I need to bake to take home to NC to celebrate Christmas with family, LOL!!!

Speaking of Christmas at home in NC, my regular readers may recall I had to stay in Metro DC last Christmas because I'd injured my knees when I slipped in the tub. Then I proceeded to cry like a baby when I called home to talk to my Mom, listening to how much fun my family was having without us:( NOT this year, I already have the SUV packed and ready to roll first thing in the AM.)

In the meantime, I've been giving a LOT of thought to where I'm going to apply to med school and have decided that moving to a nearby state would maximize options for both me and my kid, the major concern here being her future collegiate career. And having a state DO school is a benefit as well!

Well, I'd better get back in the kitchen because I promised to help with some of the cooking this year and I get to bed early. And to all my loyal and new visitors, please be safe this holiday season as you celebrate! See you in the new year!!! Luv you all!!

Path201X

DUI + Med school?????

2011-12-17T12:28:00.008-05:00

So yesterday, I was in court as a witness in a hit and run accident (I was hit by a beat down 1980's Honda a few months ago, who then tried to leave the scene by out running my then sports sedan. DUMMY!!). Well I got his license tag number and called the police right afterwards. Luckily there was only minor cosmetic damage just under my passenger rear view mirror so I didn't even bother to get it repaired.

Unfortunately the person who owned the car was not the driver and despite me giving my insurance company, his insurance company, the cops and the DA a very detailed descrption of the middle aged person driving the car when I was hit, it was a man who had to be as old as Moses who showed up in court as the owner of the car. Of course, this meant that I couldn't ID the old man as the driver of the car so the case was dismissed!!! Needless to say I was mad as hell because I had to take an entire day off work for a case the Cop and DA screwed up royally! But since I got less than I should have on my trade and because this old weasel tried to sue MY insurance company for damage done to HIS jacked up ride, I'm seriously considering filing a civil suit soon for the decrease in value I got for my car when I traded it in.

Anyoo, while I'm waiting for the case to begin, there was a case (of the many, d@mn is anyone sober in metro DC) of a guy arrested for DUI, he failed the field sobriety test, the blood test, and every other test they give you to determine his blood alcohol level. So his ~~slick ass~~ Lawyer basically begs the judge to give him unsupervised probation so he can return to med school at AUC. Turns out this guy was a graduate of UMBC, earned an MS at Hopkins, but obviously couldn't get into any US med school, so he headed for the Caribbean. So I guess to celebrate his leaving for med school, he decides to party and get drunk, then get behind the wheel of a car the day before he's to fly out of the country for med school.

Now I don't know what the "rules" are when it comes to things like this but what I do know is that drunk driving can't foretell a very bright future in the medical profession. I also think he should have been kicked out of med school, NO questions asked, but I'm guessing they probably don't know (how many schools do background checks AFTER a person matriculates?)

So tell me, what do you think? And how would you feel about having a Doc that had been arrested for drunk driving?

Three Words...................

2011-12-15T19:56:00.001-05:00

So when I came home today, there was a letter waiting for me on the dining room table. Now I'd received a letter from them before a little over 10 years ago, so I immediately recognized it. I then proceeded to do the cabbage patch, almost on top of the table, LOL!!!

When I took the MCAT this past Septmeber, I registered with a service called Med-Mar, which complies basic information about URM applicants to med schools, to send to those looking to increase urm enrollment at their schools. Now I've taking the MCAT many times, but this is only the second letter I've received from Harvard.

So does this mean I'm going to apply to Harvard? I'd have to really give that some thought. I'm concerned about my age, though I was specifically told by an MD/PhD graduate from my last gig that there was someone my age in HIS class, a few years ago. I'm also concerned about living in Boston since I hear the city is one of the most racially polarized in the US. What I am going to do and have ALWAYS planned to do, was an away rotation at one of the Harvard institutions in the Pathology department.

Speaking of pathology, I'm back on that kick again, probably permanently. Again, LOL!!! I realized after reading and rereading comments on this blog that I should stick with what I know best and am good at. And the fact that I enjoy it is simply an added plus! So I'm back to being Path201X in mind and soul.............though I'd never really changed from it, LOL!!!

OP notes and pathology reports

2011-12-14T10:02:00.002-05:00

So in light of some recurrent "health issues", my Gyn requested the OP notes from the surgery I had last summer. And that made me really nervous because I have a family history of both colon and ovarian/breast cancer. Was she thinking something got missed since I was still having the same symptoms which led to the surgery in the first place? Or should I have just had another kid (I still don't quite understand how this "treats" endometriosis)? BTW, HELL NAW to that last idea, LOL!!!

At any rate, I got a copy for myself and it was so much fun to read, after I re-read the part about malignancy being ruled out. Now I'm wondering if/when this kinda excitement about anything medical is gonna get old. Honestly, I don't think it ever will since I would have deprived myself for MANY years from being in the kind of environment that would have allowed me to do this on a regular basis.

Unfortunatley though, I may need another procudure but I think I'd rather a BIG dose of menopause do the trick, LOL!!! In the meantime, I was feeling so sick earlier today that I came home early from work, after wrapping up an experiment I ran overnight. Now normally, I'd just take 800mg of Motrin, go lie down in the ladies room for about 20 or so minutes, then keep it moving to our Wednesday meeting at 9AM. But I'm so paranoid about being accused of mean mugging (because I don't feel well) at the meeting and being ratted on for "sleeping on the job", that I just said to hell with it that's what sick leave is for, and I came home.

Now me, my 800mg Motrin, heating pad/sofa, and hot cup of tea are going to try to make the best of the rest of the day!

Hotter than hell, for real 'though

2011-12-10T06:52:00.020-05:00

A second post at 6 in the morning, less than 24 hours after my last one is a pretty good indication that something, usually my work situation, is weighing heavily on my mind.

Right now, I'm thinking not about how my Supv went off the deep end in the most unprofessional of ways on me Thursday morning. And of the ~~utterly pathetic~~ conversation we had yesterday where he essentially apologized.

So in my convo yesterday, my Supv mentioned that my Director's boss mentioned that they thought I was very defensive, to which I immediately responded "here we go again". Now he didn't mention or in any way hint at who it was he was talking about, but I immediately knew (and at the time I was thinking why in the hell are you mentioning a situation that occurred almost 3 months ago?). I can't recall if I mentioned it in my blog, but at our poster day, I was approached by the woman (of course) and told by her that something I'd mentioned on my poster was incorrect. Now anyone who knows me and how I approach my science knows that I don't play the radio when it comes to my work, but especially something that's written in 32 point font for all the world to see. But I've also mastered the art of handling with kid gloves superiors who think I don't know what the hell I'm talking about when it comes to my work. Or so I thought. My response to her was that according to a paper published by such and such, not only is this protein produced in humans, it may be another ligand to a protein our company has targeted as a potential drug target. HER response was to be VERY defensive about how wrong I was and how she didn't care about the publication which came from a group known to be experts in the very protein we're targeting. Now having been around more people like this than I can count, I know better than to get into a knowledge contest with a person with a PhD (and a fragile ego). So I politely disagreed and she continued on her tirade. That said, what I'm NOT known for doing is backing down from a scientific position I've taken or agreeing to something I think is incorrect, especially when I have "pubs" to support my position (Of course, I would never be a big enough idiot to put myself out there otherwise).

Now there's NO DOUBT in my mind that this woman didn't expect me to be able to intelligently support my scientific position, especially since my role on my job is to support the work of other scientists, not know so many of the details of the projects I'm working on. And this turns out to be yet another HUGE disadvantage of working on a job where my education far exceeds my job description. So yeah, it's not lost on me that she expected me to "back down" from my position, but that's never gonna happen with me. If someone calls me out about my work, they should expect an intelligent response in return which is what she got. If she didn't expect someone on my "level" to defend their work which I thought was what people did on Poster day, then that's her insecure ass!!! And did I mention that I received the highest score in my section of our group, which she heads, on Poster day?

Another concern my Supv brought up at our meeting yesterday was about how "people" think I act uninterested in our lab meetings. Now I'm sure I gave him the "WTF are you talking about" look on my face with this one because now it's clear that I work around a bunch of mind readers, which is a skill I didn't know they had. So I asked him, in what way do "people" think I act uninterested to which he responded it's the look on your face. Look on my face? So what kinda look is that and he said, a look like I'm not interested in being there. (Does anyone now understand my frustration with working here now, LOL??). So I said lemme get this straight. When I get a LOT of work done and ask a lot of questions during meetings, I'm accused of "hogging" all the "uninteresting" work I do and trying to make my group look bad. When I slow down with the questions during our meetings yet still get alot of work done which is more than anyone else, I'm accused of "mean mugging" and being uninterested during meetings? So which one is it, because it can NOT be both. Either I'm uninterested in the work I bust my butt doing everyday or I'm not. So, after describing this situation to a couple of my mentors, they ALL tell me they think this guy is has "issues" with my knowledge base/work ethic, and my response and theirs is once again, GET YOUR ASS IN MED SCHOOL ASAP!!!!!

Now I have to say that 99.9% of my convo yesterday was very positive, with him praising me for the work I've done on this gig thus far (which he obviously forgot when he went off before). But when I think about all this other stuff that was said, all I can do is shake my head in absolute disgust and think, I guess you just had to say something negative. Anyhoo, my department in under a LOT of pressure(ie future layoffs?) for reasons which are crystal clear to me and relate to management "issues", so I understand my Supv's overall concern on one level. But given that all the immature nitpicking and complaining over essentially nothing that goes on in my research group, it's no wonder why their research portfolio is in somewhat of a $hit stool.

So all this has me rethinking my indecision about seriously considering clinical medicine. For example during intern year, suppose I have a pediatric patient which appears to me to be jaundiced, but the condition isn't caught by my superiors because jaundice "looks" VERY different in darker skinned people than in those with fair skin. And my Attending expects me to sign off on this kid being discharged. What would I do? Do first try to explain my position and if that deosn't work, report it to a higher up and risk getting "in trouble" with my immediate Supv? Or do I sign the paper and hope for the best? MY real question is, how many similar type situations play out in medicine everyday and how many lives are lost because of it? Maybe this is too simplistic a situation to consider, but it's certainly something to think about. BTW, what would YOU do? Of course, I'm NOT saying things like this don't happen in Path, but it just seems like the consequences of situations like this in Clinical medicine are far more serious.

PS- The "kid" with unrecognized jaundice was mine 15 years ago.

Hotter than hell

2011-12-09T22:25:00.008-05:00

How many times have I blogged about Pharma Psi Pharma being so NOT for me? Well on one level this was the most productive weeks I've had since I've been there. On the other it was a reminder than until I get my black butt IN medical school, I ain't "neva gonna be comfortable" professionally speaking.

You see the problem is when your blazing through your work and most of the others in your group are lazy, you instantly put a big 'ol target on your back. Case in point, Path201X is hogging up all the work, NOT Path201X is getting the work done so that our Director stops mentioning our group NOT getting much done in the next meeting. Well, if YOUR lazy butt won't do the work within an amount of reasonable time, and I have a Scientist breathing down my back about where his slides are, I have two choices. Either keep asking your triflin' ass to get the work done, or do it my damn self! Obviously, I went with the latter which I mistakenly thought would keep your lazy a$$ from telling my boss that I'm surfing the net, when I'm actually reading pubmed journal articles. Unfortunately, for me no such luck!!

At any rate, I made it through the early part of the week with flying colors (or so I thought) only to have my Supv light me up like a Christmas tree because one of the lazy bee-otyches in my group, an Indian woman with an identity crisis (she wears BLUE contact lenses yet is about 50 shades darker than me not to mention she's well over 50), complained to our Supv about me while he was on a business trip. And she complained to him in numerous emails, that I'd filed a document in the wrong place. Lemme repeat that, She. Complained. About. A misfiled. Document. With 10 emails. TEN!!! And did I mention that I was NOT the one who misfiled it in the first place? A. Stupid. Piece. Of. Paper. So instead of him taking this out on HER, I got to be the fall guy which facilitated a meeting between me and HIS boss. Now, I don't personally know what it is with people who go off the deep end about dumb $hit, but what I do know and have blogged about before is that my tolerance for it is next to minuscule (now if you have an issue about my "science", I can dig that). Needless to say, I've NEVER been as angry as I was with him at this piint because I'm certain there were a few human resources violations embeded in what he said to me. So at this point, I knew I'd better do 2 things: 1) Talk to his supervisor to put a stop to the crap for once and for all and 2) Talk to HIM to let him know that I wasn't gonna keep dealing with his asinine temper tantrums. Over. Dumb. *hit!

Moving on, everything ended well with his Supv telling me and I quote "You're doing great, so don't sweat not having a job". Now his Supv, our Director, is Indian and I'm not saying Indian folks can't use urban slang, it's simply not something I expect from an India born Indian man over 50, LOL!!!! I also got an apology from my Supv with a reminder of the fantastic job I'm doing. However, what I'm learning over and over again especially in Big Pharma, is that there's a TON of fragile ego's around so I gotta be careful, though I'm still working on how to do that when I'm in a group with 2 choice, laxy, idiots!

C-R-A-Z-Y!!!!!!

2011-12-04T13:13:00.010-05:00

The absolute BEST word to decribe my leaning toward repeating the MCAT next spring when I have a perfectly decent enough score. But: 1) It's NOT decent enough for all the MD/PhD programs which are among my target schools, and yes I know my extensive research background and couple of pubs will probably more than compensate, and 2) I'm already reviewing all the critical areas on the exam in preparation for tutoring/teaching, so I figure I may as well give it a shot.

Which leads me to the following video which sums it all pretty well:

The more things change, the more they stay the same................

2011-11-30T23:17:00.006-05:00

About 8 years ago I had the pleasure of meeting the wife of one of the original Tuskegee Airmen on the metro of all places and it was so much fun to hear history from someone who was actually there! My only regret from that meeting was that I didn't get the woman's contact info as the elderly are my favorite people next to babies. And by now she is likely watching me type this from heaven..................

But this post isn't really about these famous men who were initially denied their right to fly planes during WWII because "negroes have bad night vision" among other stupid claims of the day. This post is about the fact that in 2011, future medical students can't talk about the Tuskegee experiment, health disparities or anything else that requires a discussion relating to race. And for the record, I'm NOT talking about that top premed website either. Nope not this time.........

Anyone who has followed my blog long enough knows that I speak from a place of truth when I write, MY truth, which sometimes has to occasion to offend (and probably the reason I only have a handful of people who don't mind publicly claiming that they follow my blog, LOL!!! Speaking of that, HUGE shout out to my loyal but "silent" visitors, I luv ya'll!!)) And while that's never my intention I do recall the old adage that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. But I guess when it comes to health disparities and the role I feel racism plays in why they exist, I don't give a rat's booty about honey, vinegar or anything else when this subject is discussed. And I don't find sticking one's head in the sand about this issue to be particularly useful either.

But in the sand is exactly where a LOT of people, future physicians it seems, want their heads to be and quite frankly that's a dangerous situation IMHO. You see, when a well-to-do Black, highly educated, married couple in their 30's can walk into an ER located in one of the wealthiest counties in the US, with the wife complaining of abdominal pain, and the doctor diagnose her with PID (pelvic inflammatory disease), with out ANY lab results, someone either needs to check their racial prejudices at the ER door, needs a refresher in the basic principles of epidemiology, or both. And if this same woman got "diagnosed" with HPV 10 years earlier, when she was married and highly educated, once again without ANY microbiology to confirm the diagnosis, then it's probably no wonder why said, educated, Black woman has a "problem" with the medical establishment when it comes to racism in healthcare (and for the record, said Black woman is neither HPV positive nor did she suffer from PID as confirmed by her lab results).

So maybe this is a case of people needing to be in your shoes to understand where you're coming from. For example, how would a highly educated, well dressed, well-to-do white married couple feel if they walked into Howard hospital ER after the husband had a tooth knocked out after a fall, and he was subsequently "diagnosed" with being a meth user in the first 5 minutes of the "exam"?? How would they feel????

Clearly I don't have all the solutions, but I think a few things would help. Admitting more URM's would certainly be a good first step and providing full scholarships to these students who agreed to practice in underserved areas for a specified amount of time would make it extra appealing. But I also think full scholarships to non URM students who agree to do the same would be equally as beneficial. Many times people only hear the words that are coming from people who look like them, and if the bottom line is more culturally sensitive, more compassionate Docs, then ultimately it's a win-win for ALL of us!

Another post with no name!

2011-11-28T20:23:00.006-05:00

I don't really have much to say these days, just spending a LOT of time thinking about a career in medicine and looking at that schools in my target areas. And trying to make sure I don't have another spike in my blood pressure. One thing that trip to the ER last week did do was put me back on a regular exercising program. QUICK LIKE!!!!

Last week, I also learned that my MCAT score would qualify me to make $50 bucks an hour tutoring, so I signed up with one local company and have spent the past week taking exams in my "key" areas in order to be "certified" to tutor in those areas. And that sounds great! Except, I'd really rather tutor kids who can't afford private tutoring, so I'm going to look into a local program that will allow me to tutor kids at one of the disadvantaged schools in my County. Maybe I can figure out a way to do both?

Other than that, I've done a little shopping on line for Christmas and not much more than that other than thinking about how scared I was last week during my little health crisis. Right after thinking about my family, my IMMEDIATE next thought was about finishing med school. Yeah, it's THAT important to me that in the middle of what felt like a stroke, I was thinking about finishing med school, LOL!! Hilarious!!!

Along those same lines, I'm really starting to have more and more feelings like Pathology may not be for me now that I'll have the freedom of an emply nest come residency time. And this will probably be a recurring theme in my posts, about how a career in a clinical speciality seems like a better fit for me personally. Though I'm still going to have to come up with a way to deal with Attendings and Nurses with attitudes because folks with 'tudes in Path are a rare occurance!

Being broke, ain't no joke!!!!!!

2011-11-22T12:48:00.012-05:00

One of the many blessings I enjoy living in metro DC is access to the best medical care in the US. Unfortunately, medicine and I are having some "run ins" which led to my having to visit my neighborhood ER. And as I'm walking in to check in, I notice a sign that reads "We do NOT accept medicaid". Well d@mn, I guess I'm glad I have great medical insurance!!

I hadn't realized that things had gotten this bad in medical care though it's clear I'd better get VERY familiar with what's going in medicine before I start interviewing for med school. And while I'm obviously aware that there are many Docs who either only accept certain private insurance plans or don't take ANY insurance at all, it was still a shock to see a major medical system be so blatant about the types of reinbursement they would accept. I mean really, why not just post a sign that says "we don't want no po' folks here"!!

So is this the price paid for being seen within 30 secs of my arrival (which is probably typical since I went in complaining of cardiovascular issues), along with an almost deserted and very clean waiting area? Yeah, I live in one of the wealthiest counties is the US, but d@mn is it really like that??? I guess that's the state of medicine these days:

Anyhoo this, along with me "debating" with the doctor about why the blood pressure reading I had is sky high for me(what Doc doesn't know that everyone's "normal" blood pressure can be different?) got me thinking again about clinical medicine. And how much good I could do if I chose a field in medicine where I regularly see patients. Like Hem/Onc. I'm really, really, REALLY thinking about Hem/Onc these days and it doesn't hurt that: 1) the ones I know spend 3-4 days/week doing research and 2) it could be an excellent application of my background in Path. Of course, I'm specifically referring to being in an academic or academic like setting in Hem/Onc.

Speaking of med school, I'm still in due diligence mode as I contemplate not only the cities of the schools contacting me, but the job opportunities I'm getting in some of those same cities too. Luckily my city girl attitude makes some cities better bets for me to consider than others and again, I feel very blessed to have these opportunities. Ultimately, we think we'd like to live in another area of the country since my 11 years here is the longest I've ever lived any place in my entire life! And in the spirit of stepping out on faith, I'm very particular to relocating to a city with numerous medical schools perhaps next summer while also applying to med schools in that city only, for the first year. If I'm not accepted, I'd apply to many more schools the following year.

And in funny as hell news, I was watching a show with female OB/Gyns on the OWN network and one of the featured stories was of a mixed race, bohemian couple having their first baby. Ol' girl decided she was NOT going to receive any pain meds in favor of "natural" birth (as if using meds, makes your birth alien like, roll eyes!!), and spoke adamently in an uppity kinda way against using meds during child birth. I said to myself, "uh huh, you gonna regret that decision REAL quick girlfriend". So lo and behold, she's in the throngs of labor and the entire time, her Doc is suggesting to her that she can take meds to ease her pain. She keeps saying no, until finally after hollering like a banshee for about 30 or so minutes, throws her hand up like a gangster throwing up a gang sign and screams to the doctor, "Just bring the $hit!!!!". I think I laughed for about 20 mins, because while she appeared to be well educated and NOT the type to scream obscenities, she just COMPLETELY lost it when those pains kicked in. Moral of the story, don't turn your nose up at ANYTHING before labor, LOL!!!! And EVERY birth is natural!!!!

Surf or ski?

2011-11-14T18:52:00.003-05:00

Now that the emails from med schools are rolling in from schools across the country, I realize that I don't do well with having too many choices. Yeah, I know I haven't applied anywhere formally yet, but I honestly I hope I only get one admit so I'm not forced to make a choice. So far in my focused academic career (to be distinguished from my nonfocused years, LOL), I haven't dealt with much in the form of rejection in the last 15 years, though I'm quite certain med school admissions will be different. Even for a URM like me.

But I'm having fun thinking about what it would be like to live very close to the beach while in med school. OTOH, living in "ski" territory could be cool too, pun intended. So after I get an email from a school, I immediately start looking at the cost of living in that area. Followed closely by the quality of the schools. And with my daughter poised to graduate following 11th grade (I'm still not so sure about that as I need to see some social maturity to go along with the academics), I'm looking at fulfilling my dream a year earlier than I originally planned. And it doesn't hurt that she's perfectly fine with moving in the near future too.

Still, I'm the kinda person that needs a while, 3-6 months, to look into an area before I'm 100% comfortable packing up my life and moving to another city/state/region of the US. But with the way my life had been so far, I'm not holding my breath that I'll actually have that kinda time!

*PS- Can you believe I couldn't find ONE picture of a Black woman skiing to use for this post?!?!?!

And you've won free tickets and a meal to your local movie theater!!!!

2011-11-12T18:33:00.005-05:00

So just as I was trying to leave work early this past Friday when everyone INCLUDING their Mama had the day off, my Supv pulls me and Ick into a conference room to have a "talk". Well, given the week I'd had, I was pretty certain I wasn't "in trouble" (which is a pretty big deal if you've been following my work place woes over the past year).

Ick and I sit down next to each other for the very first time since I started working here, and he proceeds to talk about why his Supv is up to his knee caps in HIS arse. Basically, he's REALLY depending on us to have some breakthroughs which I did earlier in the week and which Ick almost hurt herself trying to find fault with. So he's talking about this and that, blah, blah, blah, I won't bore you with the details. Then he gives us two envelops with our names on it for the good work we've done this past week. No problemo, I don't mind if Ick wants/needs to ride my coats tails a bit, ROTFLMBAO!!!

It turns out that the meeting I had earlier in the week where I was the ONLY one in the room without Dr in front of my name (Yeah, I'm getting really tired of this 'ish), was a LOT "heavier" than I originally thought. Of course, if my Supv could'a just avoided throwing my black arse under the bus during the meeting(in an effort to be seen as on his Supv's side?), I may have been more willing to put my head on the chopping block so to speak, to back him up when his Supv went on the war path. But nah, me and his Supv have a pretty good relationship as he's one of those "academic" types I've become accustomed to in the 100 years I've spent in school. That, and he's already sang my praises a couple times, so I'm trying to stay real chill with him and not just because he was the co-inventor on a drug currently in the market. I guess you can say that I'm FINALLY learning to play the game so to speak (about time), a skill which will obviously be useful where?? IN MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!

Speaking of med school, I did go ahead and email that med school Dean on Friday and Imma tell ya', if I can get this med school thing to work out next year, I'M OUTTA HERE!! Or as Chris Brown would say, DUECES!!!!!

The overweight lover is in heavens' hiz-ouse!

2011-11-09T19:34:00.008-05:00

After recently learning of the death of Heavy D AKA "The overweight lover", I decided to take a trip down memory lane, looking at youtube videos from back in the day when music was music!

One of my favorite ones was the hook he rapped on Janet Jackson's hit "Alright", the video which also featured other greats including Cab Calloway and the Nicholas brothers. Check it out here:

Other news, I had a MAJOR research breakthrough at work which couldn't have come at a better time because my supervisors' supervisor was on the preverbal warpath at a meeting we all had earlier in the week. Fact is my boss doesn't seem to be very highly regarded by his boss which is unfortunate given he has to supervise a woman who rides the "short bus" when it comes to histology, LOL!!! OTOH, I think there comes a point on every job when you just have to stand up for your ideas and let the chips fall where they may. For example, me and Supvs', Supv disagreed on how to do some calculations for my IHC. Now I've learned the hard way over the past few years how to identify a battle I can't win and also how to say what I have to say then let it go, which was VERY hard because this guy doesn't like being told he's wrong about ANYTHING (humph, PhD's!). So at some another point in our meeting I wanted to say "yeah sure, go ahead, rush this thing to clinical trials and if the patients end up with an HIV like syndrome because we knocked out all their damn T-cells trying to treat something else, that'll be all right! Two words, MD, PhD!!!

Speaking of that, I got an email today from a med school encouraging me to apply and this is a school where I'd in years past, communicated with one of the Deans. I could in theory still apply to this school especially since they have my future app on their "radar", and I can't describe how hard it is NOT to when I'm so ready to go! So I'll respond to the email over the weekend and see what happens!

RIP Heavy "D"!

It's official, I'm now a permanent member of Pharma Psi Pharma, LOL!!!

2011-11-05T08:28:00.001-04:00

So I'm now a permanent employee in "Big Pharma" and I must say it feels darn good to be official! I thought I'd be navigating my way through "banana peels" during this last week, but it went well and without a hitch to boot! My 90 day eval was above average too!

In other work place news, I've now been put in charge of ALL our divisions' histology projects, I'll call it "A", with the interview killer now assigned to histology projects for another division, "B", of the company. What does that mean given the fact that we're both employees of division "A"? I'm thinking it means they're eventually gonna move her big, evil, arse to division "B", which I've heard is the most difficult of all the divisions to work for at our company. Oh well I really don't care, that may happen loooonnnnggg after I'm in med school anyway.

In bad news, we were unable to locate the dog/owner that bit my daughter, so we're off to the ER shortly to sit for the next 6 hours. What fun! Unfortunately, neither our local health department nor docs office keeps the first dose, so we have to get it at the ER. And did I mention we'll have to sit in the ER for the next 6 hours?

Have great weekend everyone!

"Going over" in less than 24 hours

2011-11-03T18:56:00.006-04:00

Man, where do I begin!!

Well given that I now have more projects on my plate than ICK, I think it's safe to say that my job will officially be made permanent tomorrow. And let me be real here, I wasn't 100% sure I was gonna make it to this point just a few months ago. But having folks at my job who could relate to me and what I was going through and were more than willing to give a sista' a little advice, made ALL the difference in the world! Praying hard didn't hurt either!

In more "mama is gonna kick someones a$$" news, my daughter was bitten by a dog last Friday, and we haven't yet identified either the owner OR the dog. Woman walking 3 dogs on those extend a leash things, one bites my daughter, woman says she's sorry, woman walks off! And I can't tell you just how mad I am at this situation!!!! Unfortunately, we thought we had ID'ed the dog earlier today and two women with dogs matching the description of the one that bit her, had their pics taken along with their dogs (I can't tell you how angry one of the women was about having to do it). But personally I don't give a rat's a$$ how mad she was, rabies shots are VERY painful and I'd rather avoid having my child get those shots! And why one of the women raised so much hell about it is beyond me! Anyway, we're running out of time to ID the dog/owner before she'll have to get the first set of shots so I'm really, really, hoping we find out info on the dog real soon!

Finally, the thing I've most dragged my feet about is contacting med schools about my impending app. In one way, I'm taking my time because I don't want to hear another school tell me I had a legitimate shot at an acceptance this year. And I think I'd really like to get my kid closer to starting school before I matriculate. But I'm also kinda enjoying not having anything stressing me the heck out these days besides the normal stuff like family and job.

Well, I think I'm going to pass on dinner, opting for soup and a cup of camomile tea instead!

Have a great weekend!

Path's top 5 "What 'da ???" moments of late

2011-10-29T21:46:00.001-04:00

It's that time again, my top 5 what 'da ??? list:

1) It's October and snowing in Metro DC today, what da'??? Id' probably better reconsider those schools north of the Mason-Dixon line!

2) According to AAMC I had less than a 5% chance of improving my MCAT score from where I started to where I happily ended up. What 'da??? (Hard work THAT's what, LOL!!!)

3) My youngest "child" keeps peeing on my daugthers bed! What 'da ??????, she's gonna end up "homeless" = taken to the shelter, because I've just about HAD IT!!!!!!

4) As required for my R stats course, I COMPLETELY forgot what exp (x) means. What 'da ????, I'd better break out the basic math book!

5)I learned on the Oldpremeds website yesterday that certain med schools are finding ways to slickly reject oldpremeds by giving the tired 'ol excuse and I paraphrase, "I don't think certain oldpremed applicant understands the implications of the debt they need to incur to complete med school". Translation, I don't think your old arse if gonna work long enough to pay off your student loans, so What 'da f???

A hard head makes for a soft behind..............

2011-10-27T20:22:00.000-04:00

Or so my grandmother used to say! I had to leave work early today because I wasn't felling well and this latest not feeling well episode is a little scary for me.

Scary because this nagging pain in my side has been there for about 5 years, through 2 surgies and it's STILL there. At any rate the pain is pretty bad now so I've finally decided to suck it up and get it checked out tomorrow. Obviously, I'm hoping it's nothing too serious as in will not require a surgical fix and given my research background and family history the unknown is pretty darn scary!

Jobwise things are okay, but I think I've FINALLY had enough of lab work so I'm taking an R stats class on line so I can apply for other jobs more in the bioinformatics realm. I also went ahead and formally applied to the position at my old job (an even better fitting one became available), but now that I think I'm done with the lab, I don't know if I'll really follow through with the interview process or not. Actually, I think I'd like to stay with the company I'm currently with because the benefits are amazing and quite frankly I'd REALLY like to stay put in the same place until med school. The idea of changing companies again just isn't something I feel up to doing right now due to the economy and the stress of starting over, even if it is with folks I used to work for and still know.

Well this is it for now! Have a great weekend everyone!

Hell week(s), Big Pharma Style!!

2011-10-22T19:24:00.012-04:00

Anyone familiar with the sorrority/fraternity college experience is probably also familiar with the hazing "pledges" or future new members must endure in order to join. Hence the reason that despite numerous generations of sorrority/fraternity members in my family including my mother who's an AKA, I've never pledged (but more because I'm too likely to whup some butt if push upon the wrong way).

So with 2 weeks to go on my job before I'm no longer on probation and officially a "permanent" employeee, the interview killer is really starting to step up her "hazing" game. To the tune of harassaing me EVERY SINGLE DAY about the most mundane of things (you left the cap off your pen on your lab bench and it's leaking ink, kinda 'ish). Now it wouldn't be so bad if I had an office and she came to me with this nonsense, but she frequently does it with an "audience" of my fellow collegues, 5 of whom sit within a few feet of me (and are essentially "in" my conversations too). So because I easily recognized what she was doing, I'd chosen to ignore her and do my best to keep it moving until one day she got especially nasty with me and when she walked off, a couple of the folks who sit near me made comments about it. Now I've obviously gotten used to working alongside idiots these 4 or so years since I left the NIH, so I'd developed a somewhat efficient method of dealing with them by saying little or simply ignoring them. But this b*tch humuliated me in front of our collegues and that wasn't gonna work! And all over the missspelling of one person's name in a database?

So after many weeks of this and with other strange things happening with my experiments, I finally decided to casually mention it to my supv earlier in the week and when I walked in his office to tell him I had something we needed to discuss, he immediately said "Please don't tell me you're quitting because you're doing such a GREAT job"! Not only that, his boss continues to extol the good job I'm doing which in one way is great, but I also think is partially at the source of the grief the interview killer (ICK for short)is constantly giving me. Later in the week, ICK esculated her "game", and seeing that my patience was starting to run REAL thin, I decided to make a more formal complaint with my Supv (so much for flying under the radar until my probation is up). Now normally I'd be pretty comfortable with finally acknowledging what my Supv and others are clearly aware of at this point in my tenure with this company. But he also mentioned the fact that it doesn't help either of us for one of us to constantly complain about the other. And since this was only my second time even mentioning anything to him about her, I can only assume she's had a LOT more negative crap to say about me than I was originally told by him. However, there's not a damn thing I can do about what SHE says/does and who she says it to (and apparently she's gone to HIS boss too, the guy who's always complimenting my work). They are either going to believe it and let me go like the last lady she black balled out the door, or keep me around and finally nip this cow in the bud! And at this point, Kay sa ra, sa ra!!!! Anyhoo, according to my collegues, this woman played a significant role in why the woman I replaced didn't make it to her 90 days and was fired, a concern I shared with my Supv on Friday (I'd also worked with a man she worked with previously at this company and who also feels she's the reason he was fired). So basically, Ick has demonstrated at least 2 times her ability to get rid of people she doesn't like and from the moment we met at my interview, I'm one clearly one of those people.

And this brings me to the caption of this post, I'm close to being permanent and being "challenged" all the way to the finish line, in a hazing/pledging kinda way! Regretfully, I decided NOT to apply to the job at my old gig, so quiting this gig isn't even a consideration. Neither is loosing my cool, so I'll simply have to come up with ways to get my job done while circumventing Ick. All that said, circumventing a person who loudly approaches you with stupidity while you're sitting in your cubicle will likely prove FAR more challenging and it will be real interesting to see if I can do that with out giving her the tongue lashing she so rightfully deserves!

Moving on, I've pretty much spent EVERY night since I got my scores back reading information about the various med schools I'm considering applying to. And this has been a LOT of fun because my research on schools also includes looking at real estate in the local area, high schools, cost of living and other things. Of course, all this "research" means that Cali is probably out! Well maybe, the cost of living on one hand seems similar to my current situation in Metro DC but on the other hand, when I look at how many people live within one square mile, it seems PACKED with people! So I told my daugther who has been begging me for years to visit Cali, that we're going take our spring 2012 break in southern cali! While there, I'll also talk to a few med schools and look at areas to live just in case. I also forget that I was recently asked to interview by a company in northern cali but declined, so the job market in Big Pharma is pretty darn good!

You know when I think about all the hell I've dealt with these past few years on the job, perhaps a serious change in environment should at the very least be seriously considered! The worst thing that could happen is that we move back to the east coast after a 1 or 2 year stint and isn't living life with ALL it's twists and turns, what REAL living is all about???

The MCAT, revisited

2011-10-18T16:53:00.004-04:00

I guess it was the realization that I had a 10+ improvement in my MCAT score from the first time I took it in 1992 until this past Sept. 2011 which has prompted this post. Now as crazy as it sounds, the teens score I got the first time was a bit of a fluke in the sense that I'd NEVER thought it accurately reflected my intellectual abilities on the test (which was FAR easier than the current version), as much as it said how dumb an idea it was for me to party almost all night long, then try to take the MCAT first thing the next day.

What I think this 10+ improvement DOES say is that anyone who puts in the time and effort CAN improve their score. SIGNIFICANTLY!

Now anyone who's read my blog over the years knows that my retaking the test was more about wanting to improve my testing taking skills than it was that I hadn't scored well enough to be admitted to medical school. And the thought that thumped in my head constantly like a migraine headache was that the "cut off" MCAT score where folks I knew and knew of seemed to have trouble passing their USMLE's was around the same as I had previously scored. So I decided that not passing the USMLE's on the first try was completely unacceptable and if it meant taking the MCAT 15 times to master test taking BEFORE med school, that's what I would do........actually I'm not so sure about the 15 times, LOL!! Bottom line I was committed to "fixing" what was broken if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I could conquer the beast of an exam!

So how did I do that? Well, here's what I did:

1) I NEVER, EVER gave up on the idea that I could improve my score.

2) I used the time I had off from working to study for the exam. This is a critical and often neglected step of nontrads, minorities and anyone else who needs money and is no longer on their parents payroll. I absolutely, positively believe that 100% dedicated MCAT study time is best if you can manage it!

3) I invested ~ $700 in study materials, again another important factor many folks often can't realistically do.

4) I focused more on why I got problems wrong than anything else, which was closely followed by studying why my right answers were right.

5) I did HUNDREDS of passages, relating to #3 on the list.

6) I treated my science passage like verbal passages, and started my study off with verbal first, dedicating more time to that area overall than the science areas.

7) I stayed the hell away from that very popular premed website for reasons which are obvious to anyone who has been on that site. A bunch of neurotic 20 year olds is FAR from my kinda company at least in the premed stage of the game! Of course I was banned for being just a tad too outspoken, so that wasn't very hard to do, LOL!!!

8) I did at least one passage almost everyday even if that was all the MCAT prep I did that day.

9) EVERYWHERE I went I had some study materials with me so any spare time I had or if I ended up in a coffee shop for an extended period of time, I could easily pull out a book and review. This included things like doctor's visits, my kid's tennis tournaments, getting the car repaired ect.

10) Finally, I ALWAYS believed I could improve my score!!!!

So why the reiteration of points 1 and 10? Because I believe the right attitude is a must in prepping for this exam. And if you believe you can do well and throughly prepare, well is EXACTLY how you'll do!!

Going back to Cali?

2011-10-16T18:52:00.002-04:00

Most folks who know me don't know I'm originally from Cali because I lost that Cali flavor the moment the plane landed hot, humid Florida in the mid 70's. My parents are both 60's grads of UC-Berkeley, so the unspoken rule when I finished high school, was that I was to attend Stanford (which neither could afford to attend).

So imagine their disappointment when I not only matriculated at a barely known southern state university but proceeded to flunk out 3 years later. His statement to me and I quote was "You only attended University of ???, so how did you manage to flunk out"?. My Mom followed suit with "we could have sent the dog to flunk out of college", so needless to say maybe it all makes perfect sense why I'm partially obsessed with post high school education, LOL!!!

Anyhoo, right around the time my kid decided that she wanted to study geology/earthquake engineering, she did some research and found that the obvious best place in perhaps the world to study such a subject is Cali. For her though, it's USC she's interested in which is the strangest coincidence in the world! Once upon a time I also wanted to attend USC just to be in their band (and get a great education too), but it's a fact VERY few people know! And one I'd never shared with her. And in probably NO coincidence, her best friend also wants to attend USC and has wanted to do so for almost as long as I've known her.

Now every premed in the world knows getting admitted to a state school in Cali is hard, the hardest in the US! But I haven't rested my goals with MD programs in Cali, I'm also interested in DO programs too which are likely just as competitive.

At any rate, in the days since I've received my scores, I've opened my mind to the possibility of attending ANY school in the US and have narrowed down my places to apply to those on the coasts only. I've got a new found interest in beaches and it's simply something I'm not willing to compromise on at all. And hopefully, I won't have to as there are plenty of schools in all 3 tiers located near the ocean.

My daughter, the lover of 80's music that she is, has been singing the song in this post for the past couple days. The question is, is she trying to tell me something, LOL????

A beautiful day in DC!!!!!

2011-10-15T20:35:00.005-04:00

Today my daughter and I visited the MLK memorial and what a beautiful day it was to do a little sightseeing in DC! Traffic to the site was a nightmare (as usual) but we managed to walk about 1.5 miles during our visit, with me in 2.5 inch boots! We took a moment to sit close to the MLK statue where we took this picture, and to reflect on a man that only lived to be 39 years old, but made such tremendous contributions to the civil rights movement. And it was emotional to reflect on the fact that he essentially gave his life so that I may have an opportunity to be the most educated Black person I know degree wise, LOL!!!

So how has my week been post MCAT scores? Pretty exciting I've gotten some great feedback for admissions to MD programs but some not so great news as it relates to the MD/PhD. In other words, it's been suggested by one med school dean that I retake the MCAT to get a score competitive for MD/PhD admissions, to which I immediately reply (to myself), hell-to-da-naw!!! The problem with my score besides the fact that I already know it's NOT competitive for MD/PhD programs, is that it's in that range where it's FAR more likely my scores going down rather than up if I retake, and the question I ask myself is, do I really need to push my luck? Honestly, I think we already know the answer to that. I'll just have to get more creative to do both degree programs, like applying separately to both while informing each program of my ultimate plans. And since I already know I can get NIH money to fund the combined program, I have a hard time believing a program would say no, though I also know they may believe I'm hedging my bets in case I don't get admitted to med school. However, after 6 years of talking about MD/PhD I think it's safe to say that I'm committed to both programs even though I'm 45 years old. And as I've said many, many times before, it's well past time for me to stop listening to folks who don't support my ultimate plan, however foolish they think it is.

On to work, my job situation is as tenuous as ever as the interview killer tries more creative ways of trying to make me look bad in from of our Supv. And I won't bore you with the details, suffice it to say that the only person she's really hurting is her big a** self! I also had my 60 day review and it was perfect, I'm very pleased. However I'm EXTREMELY disappointed in his decision to hire a PhD trained in pathology methods. When I was interviewed and up until about a month ago, I was told that I would do a lot of what they are looking for this PhD to do. And because he purposely added the stipulation that a PhD has to fill it, my personal take is that the opportunity to accuse me of trying "to be the pathologist/PI" on the project is slowly coming to an end. Now for what they're paying me, you'd think I'd be okay with this but I'm not. He's introducing another person to the group who I'll have to answer to about how I plan/execute my experiments and I'm "not feeling" that in the least. At this stage of my career, I'm used to people trusting my expertise, irrespective of education level. I'm also very concerned about working with another woman for reasons you can read about on previous posts, LOL!!! But mainly, I've invested over 150K in my education and I really like to use it! So this means that I'm on the hunt again, since I'd never be satisfied in a position where I don't get to use my brain a lot no matter how much they're paying me!

That said, this latest job situation has made me much more determined to return to school ASAP so that I won't ever again NOT be able to have a job I want because I don't have enough education!

BELIEVE THAT!!!!!!!!

MCAT's are in and.....................

2011-10-11T18:51:00.001-04:00

............I've recorded my HIGHEST score ever!!!!!! Not only that, but my highest score was on the PS section of the test!!! Physics? Kicked its a**, LOL!!!

Now please allow me a few days to come out of the clouds long enough to write coherently, LOL!!!!

Path201X exits doing the running man, ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!

Who's fighting your battles?

2011-10-09T13:06:00.005-04:00

So this past week on my gig we had a poster competition, while my division swept the awards, no one from my group won an award. But when your primary job is to supply research support to others in your division, it's pretty impossible to win (though the ones who did very proudly displayed work from your group, LOL).

This past week was also remarkable in that the interview killer now seems very involved with my work assignments, and let me be real, I DO feel some kinda' way about it. Not because she doesn't have a college degree and not because she doesn't understand much about the science of what's she's doing. I've got a big problem with it because rumor has it that she was very involved with why the last person who worked in my position left.

Not long ago, I'd been told by one of the senior folks in our division to "play the game", which pretty much involved me taking more breaks and having lunch with her and the other people in my group of 4. My motto was "keep your friends close and your enemies closer", and that "worked" for about a week and a half. Then it slowly started occurring to me that I'm no more in a position to fight the "devil" than I am to lift the building I work in, so why had I decided to play a game I can't win?

Now I can easily concede that being friendly with the people you work with is a smart career move. But this witch clearly has it out for me (see previous post) so the idea of spending a lot of my time off with her makes me nauseous. So I'm going to change that and not just because she suggested being a Med Tech would be a great career move for me during a conversation we were having about careers on a break last Friday (and since she interviewed me and has seen my CV, I think I'm correct in assuming she was trying to be funny and not in a "ha ha" kinda way. Not only that, I USED to be a Med Tech in the 90's). So besides all her other "insecurities" with working with me, she's now sweatin' the fact that I scored the highest in our group during the poster competition.

So this is where I rely on my faith, with the clear understanding that it's not my job to neither fight enemies nor spend an enormous time worrying about it. I'm gonna stand tall in my faith in God's bigger plan for my life and keep it movin'!

Which brings me to the 3 jobs I've been asked to interview for, 2 of which I've turned down. The more recent one will need to be pursued further because: 1) It offers some professional autonomy, so no more "stop trying to be the PI" statements, 2) It pays about 30K more than I'm making now which on the outside seems like an advantage, but which is going to come with the unspoken rule of working 50+ hours/week, and 3) This position is at the job that brought me to metro DC 10 years ago. So I have a support system there which I've maintained throughout the 10 years I've lived here. But being a person of strong faith, I had to pray about it and I wasn't going to feel good about even officially applying until I felt God had spoken to me about what to do. This morning I got up, went to church where the pastor spoke about faith which was just what I needed. But when he also spoke about being careful of the company you keep, I felt like I had an answer to my question of whether or not to apply. The app will be submitted today, and I'll be meeting with my contact at this gig sometime this upcoming week.

Moving on to other things, my MCAT score is supposed to be released either Monday or Tuesday and at this point, I'm so not focused on it. Not because I think I aced it because I don't, but because whatever it is, it is. What I am a little worried about is that my score is going to have some crazy spread like, 13(VR), 9(BS), 8(PS) which if that turns out to be the case, I'd have to seriously consider retaking that beast again in Jan of next year given my goal of MD/PhD. I also think I have a good take on the timeline I'm shooting for with applying, so right now I thinking summer 2012 may be the best personal fit.

Speaking of personal, my kid is finally back on track in school with her grades. She also finally won her first games in tennis this season, so while I don't have plans to book seats at the US open in 2014, I think a tennis scholarship to college might be reality one day. I also purchased my first SUV which my sister affectionately calls a station wagon for Moms, but whatever, I'm very involved with my kid's tennis team so more space is just what we both needed. And contrary to her opinion of it, I've got a V8 under the hood along with luxury features, so your everyday minivan type vehicle it is NOT, LOL!! And it's so much fun to drive!!

Well I guess that just about sums up recent happenings in my life, so I'd like to leave you with my favorite excerpt from Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech in 2005: "Stay foolish. Stay hungry", which is not very hard to do when you're a 40 something year old premed!!

Have a great week! :)

People of Honor

2011-09-30T19:46:00.004-04:00

This week was a very keen reminder of a scence from the movie Men of Honor, a story about the first Black Navy Diver. If you're ever seen the movie, you know it's a wonderful story but sad commentary on how directly racism effected the career choices of Black folks in the 1940's, espeically those in the military. And as much as I'd like to say things have changed, I really can't say that at all which is why I always have a very difficult time encouraging mimoirty students to enter career fields where they're not well represented.

Of course, the incident I'm referring to at work involves the interview killer. And the scene I'm referring to in the movie is the one where the main character played by Cuba Godding Jr. is many feet under bone chilling water and has to assemble a tool while there, wearing a 100 pound diving unit. After he has had a few minutes to get situated under water, a bag with tools and the parts that make up the more complex tool is lowered to him and he has the difficult task of putting it together in a certain amount of time. In some freezing cold water!!! The problem occurs when his bag is cut just before it's lowered into the water (NOT part of the test!!!), which then requires he search the bottom of a muddy body of water for the tools and the parts to make the bigger assembly. IN DARK COLD WATER!!!!

Unfortunately, he almost almost dies from hypothermia trying to put the complex tool together, but he does it knowing that he'll be kicked out of diving school if he doesn't. And that's exactly what the interview killer is doing to me, making it extrememly dificult to do my job by purposely not giving me what I need to get my job done. For example, I tell her I'm doing IHC which requires charged slides and what does she give me, uncharged slides. I tell her I need 10 images from her database, she gives me 6 and I have to scour 283 pages of images to find what I need. I tell her I need a kidney cancer tissue block to use as a positive control, she gives me normal then pretends to act suprised when my stains don't work. Now the word is that she's extrememly intimidated by my skill level and work ethic. Whatever! Personally, I think anyone who would work for a company 15+ years yet be too lazy to get a BS degree that the company would have paid for is IMHO, a royal idiot!

Now I wish I could say this is the first time I've ever been in this situation either at work or in school, but it isn't. In fact, I'm an expert in dealing with this and overcoming being set up to fail, is a skill I've mastered. But I do have to admit that at age 45, I'm sick as hell with dealing with it.

Moving on, this was a VERY productive week at work for me obstacles aside, and I also realize that for the most part, I work around a pretty cool and smart group of Scientists. And THAT, along with the other positives of this gig are what I'm going to do my best to focus on!

649 days.....................

I can't get NO satisfaction!!!!!

2011-09-28T19:24:00.007-04:00

Surprise, surprise, Path's NOT happy in yet another job, LOL!!! Actually I should rephrase that (especially as I contemplate buying another car rather than a new transmission). I'm VERY blessed to make a decent wage for a company that pays well and has GREAT benefits!!! What I do for a living is 'aaight!

So it looks like my job duties are changing from Path assistant/IHC specialist to scut worker, LOL!!! Okay, it's not really that bad, but I see the handwriting on the wall with the decision to hire someone else (A Dr.) for the job I was told I was primarily hired to do!!!

No problemeo, except the "timing" is a little ironic given the fact that 4 times in the past few days, my Supv told me and I quote "You don't need to answer in this kind of detail because you're not the Pathologist/Principal Investigator on this project". In other words, YOU AINT GOT NO PHD OR MD OR DVM so stop talking like you do, LOL!!! Well that's cool except that when I present my poster before the ENTIRE company next week, I'm betting that based on my project (primarily immuno based biomarker research) that someone is going to expect me to know the difference between a T-Lymphocyte and a B-lymphocyte, between a receptor and ligand, and other things DIRECTLY related to my project. Of course since "interview killer" ALWAYS refers to him in the interpretation of path images and other "science" stuff (which I rarely do because Robbins Path and Juniqueira Histo have been my absolute best friends since 2005),now I'm supposed to do the same? Not exactly what he said he hired me for, but okay. Now the department needs to hire someone from the outside to do what I already do? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, well alrighty then!

Of course there's more to this story, but suffice it to say that I desperately miss working in an environment where I would be celebrated NOT criticized for wanting to know more and do more and actually going the extra mile (translated weekend work) to accomplish both! I miss working for people who when viewing slides with me at the microscope, saw my questions as the inquisitive nature of a person REALLY, REALLY interested in Path and not as some challenge to their own knowledge. But alas, it looks like med school will probably be the next place I experience that, though I'm VERY, VERY aware that insecure people are everywhere especially on med school's faculty (did someone say Surgeon)!!!

Now where da' hell is my MCAT score so we can expeditiously get this show on the road?!?!?!

651 days and counting!

Have a "broweed"??? It's not your ordinary brownie.

2011-09-25T21:26:00.000-04:00

It turns out DD is being teased/bullied for not wanting to "pass the duchy on the left had side". And I'd really like to say that I'm shocked, but I'm not. 51% of all teenaged drug buys occur "in da' 'hood". Guess where that other 49% occurs?? Yep right here where I live, in the county of one of the highest per capita incomes in the US. Not only that, there's an unspoken "no snitch" rule in these kinds of neighborhoods too. Now, whoda' thunk all that?

So of course we had the looooonnnnggg talk parents have with their kids when these issues arise and at the end of the day, we're very proud she didn't cave in to peer pressure. And given that she has so many adults to answer to, I think the "village" that's raising my kid is gonna be there to make sure she does the right thing and to reward her when she does. After "the talk", she did what she had to do school wise (with my help of course), and now her grades are up, though it's going to take a miracle to bring them all up to at least all 'B's.

Movin' on, I've been very busy at work this week prepping a poster for a meeting and while it's usually VERY exciting, trying to use Microsoft 10 to do it has been one big pain in the rear! URGH!!!! At any rate, I'll be posting a few images from my poster to bore my readers who are not future pathologist to death real soon, LOL!!!

Now can someone tell me whos dumb a** idea it was to put "bud" in a d*mn brownie?!?!?!

These are the times that try Mom's soul..........

2011-09-17T14:51:00.004-04:00

I feel like I went from one stressor to another and I'm once again wondering how in the hell do Moms with teenagers make it through med school, with the kids turning out Okay? URGH!!!!

One month into school, my future Engineer/PhD geologist is now flunking her honors classes in Bio, Algebra 2, and Government. But has a perfect 100% average in Chinese and 97% in English? WTH????

Now if she suddenly decided to be a Chinese language interpreter for the UN one day, I'd FULLY support that as long as it was also either as a Scientist, Engineer, or Health professional. In words, I ain't paying for no "soft" degrees like dance, english, or psychology!! And with the way the world's shaping up professionally, folks majoring in soft areas are gonna find themselves competing for fewer and fewer jobs as time goes by. At least, that's what I think. Having said all that, I have a degree in a "soft" subject too, but I combined it with a hard core science because I wanted to eat regularly when I finished college, LOL!!!!

But my kids academic dilemma (which will soon be resolved after I put the "hammer" down), reminds me of where Black kids are today when it comes to academics and college majors. There are fewer American born Blacks majoring in science, engineering, medicine, and technical areas than there's been since the 80's, and the numbers are decreasing a LOT every year. OTOH, Blacks from Africa are happily applying to college programs in these areas in record numbers every year. So what I want to know is, how in the hell did American Blacks get to this place academically?

Moving on, I promised one of my loyal readers I would discuss what I finally ended up doing to prepare for the MCAT. And I changed my "strategy" so many times even I get lost trying to think of what I think finally worked for me. SO here's a list of a few things I found helpful:

1) I finally accepted that I was being tested on being able to identify the best answer not necessarily the right answer, and as a future Doc this makes a LOT of sense. When treating a patient, there may be several approaches one can take, but being able to identify the best one for that particular patient requires being able to see the broader view of things.

2) I timed EVERY SINGLE PASSAGE I DID which is why on the real thing, I finished with time to spare for the very first time on EVERY section.

3) I ended up eliminating the EK 1001 series questions for all the subjects except Bio and the reason I reviewed the Bio was because it was set up passge style. The MCAT hasn't tested significantly in discrete question style in over 20 years, so I realized early that practicing those type questions was a bit of a waste of time for me.

4) I repeated my difficult subjects over and over and over again until I had them down pat. Luckily for me, this wasn't required for the majority of the subject areas of the test. And when I saw those difficult area questions on the MCAT, I didn't have a moments worth of hesitation about answering them.

5) I spent twice as much time understanding wrong answers than right answers and I believe this is going to pay off on the real thing.

I guess time will tell if this worked or not, but as my sister/cousin would say, I'm going to speak a 30+ score into existance!

The perfect post MCAT meal.............

2011-09-10T22:01:00.002-04:00

Ever since I can remember, the filet-o-fish had been my absolute favorite Mickey D's sandwich. So after taking the MCAT this afternoon, what did I crave despite living in an area with some of the best and finest restaurants in the world? A filet-of-fish sandwich, a small order of fries (which I NEVER eat), and a medium strawberry-bananna smoothie courtesy of McDonalds. Yummy!!

So how was my test? Well.....I really don't have any complaints and unlike the last time I took the test in 05', I wasn't interrupted during the test! In fact, after the verbal section, I almost broke out into the "cabbage patch" I was so happy with how felt I did.

Since I had done every MCAT question I'd practiced timed, I had NO problem with timing and finished each section with ~ 5 minutes to spare. The chemistry of the PS section was pretty straight forward but the physics was well, physics is not my best subject so I'll leave it at that. But I felt very well prepared thanks to TBR to make an educated guess on all the problems except 5 where I was forced to mark "C", and keep it moving. The biology related questions of the BS section were easier for me and also very straight forward which essentially translates into the fact that everything on the test I'd seen before. The organic was a lot more challenging, but I still feel pretty good about my performance on this section.

Overall, I feel pretty good about the test and think that verbal will be my highest score, followed by BS, then PS. This is a BIG change from when I previously took the MCAT and I scored the highest in the BS section.

And with that I'm going to end this post, while I enjoy spending the next few days behaving like a normal human being!

Get 'yo mind right!

2011-09-07T20:11:00.002-04:00

The next few days are going to be ALL about staying focused and positive. The last MCAT exam I took had the following breakdown: BS-11, PS-8 (too much physics!!), VR-12. And that's gonna be it for me with taking exams until the real thing. I should also mention that my PS score would have been in the 9-10 range had I not changed answers (I know you guys are sick to death of mentioning that, LOL). So besides telling myself I'm gonna break my fingers if I dare change any answers on the real thing, I'm feeling pretty good.

So tonight I'm gonna have a "Woo-Saa" moment with NO study/review, in addition to visualizations of me acing the exam confidently and wearing both the short and long white coat one day. I also feel real good that when push comes to shove, I CAN get into steady study mode despite family distractions (I really did wonder if I had any "get my study on" left.)

And yeah at the end of the day, I guess I REALLY still wanna be a Pathologist who also does cancer research too!

X marks the spot!!!

2011-09-04T14:40:00.000-04:00

I know I said I was gonna stop complaining about my job and I am. So I'm just going to share a few work related tales, every now and then, LOL!!!

Why would a person who clearly isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, try to call me out during journal club, LOL??? First, I'd never worked a place outside of Academia that even does journal club so when I found out about it, I was thrilled! And ironically for my first journal club it was my coworker, the interviewer killer's time to present. Now this is a woman who has been working in Histology for 30 years, but can't for the life of her read a slide ( a situation I obviously find incomprehensible, LOL!!). So when it comes time for her to talk about the slides from her article, she passes that on to our Supv who is a Vet Path. So as he's talking about the slides, when she interrupts him to ask me what I thought about the images. BAD IDEA ON HER PART if her goal was to put me on the spot, LOL!!! See when I go to journal club, I prepare as if I'm doing the presenting because that's how I roll. So I tell everyone what I think including referencing another disease (we were looking at granulomas in the lung of a patient with a rare fungal infection found in tropical areas and I mentioned that it clinically presented like a case of TB). Now if she had asked any of the other 2 people in our group who were there what their thoughts were, my red flag of "is these heffa trying to be funny" probably wouldn't have been wildly flapping in the wind, but since she didn't, it did flap. Wildly, LOL!!! So the meeting ends with me and all the other Scientist talking science and every now and then she pipes in with something that I'm still trying to figure out how it relates the paper or what we were talking about. Now I know how she felt being in a room where most of the people are smarter than you are because that's what I happily experienced when I was a predoc fellow in the pathology department at the NIH. And I LOVED it, because I LOVE learning new things. One thing I NEVER did do there was say something just to make myself look smart because in that setting, that just would have been plain stupid. In fact, I was VERY careful when I did speak up because the Chief Path would not have a problem checking you if you said something crazy (and let's face it, life saving Dx's were on the line there so NO room for foolishness). But obviously not everyone gets the memo that sometimes is just better to just shut up and listen.

At any rate, I wonder if she'll "come at me again" with a non-question, question and honestly, it really doesn't matter if she does or not. Either way, you KNOW I'll be prepared just like last time. In other words, pimp me baby, I'll be your 'ho, LOL!!!!

Moving on to the MCAT, everything is everything as they say and from now until the exam, my biggest focus will be keeping my nerves under control. And that's gonna be a TALL order!!!

Orgo, Orgo, where art thou Orgo???

2011-08-30T20:35:00.004-04:00

** I guess someone didn't like me using their "I like it in the back" picture of an electrophile, drawn with dipole moments assigned LOL!!!!

By pretty much covering my year 1 Orgo in 4 days, I can't decide when I look at the pic with this post, whether or not what the teeshirt is saying is a "good" thing or a "bad" thing, LOL!!! What's even crazier is that once upon a time, I flunked Orgo 1&2, repeated both and STILL got "D's". Fast forward a couple years after that and not only was I having NO issue with either class, I tutored the subject during my senior year as a Chem major.

So I guess all that means is that the message on the shirt is a "good" thing..................I think!!!

Same "ish, different toilet, LOL!!

2011-08-28T13:58:00.009-04:00

I got this quote from my niece's Facebook page (minus the explicative) and let's just say that this has been pretty characteristic of my employment situations since ~2009. In some ways, my current job is turning out to be NO exception while in others, I feel like I'm back down south again. ANYONE you see in the hallway speaks, holds doors open, ect. and this is absolutely wonderful to a Southern girl like me.

As for my job this particular week, all I have to say is this: 682 days and counting. It's still overall a great opportunity, with great pay, AMAZING benefits and I'm obviously VERY thankful. However a research job in academia would have been perfect-er especially considering I was never once accused of trying to be a Pathologist or of speaking too much in "pathology language" but alas, it appears there's something God wants me to get/learn at this phase of my life/career. And I'm guessing we're back to my elephant skin post, LOL!!! In the meantime, I need to accept that at this point NOTHING will be as acceptable to me as matriculating in med school, so I'm gonna do my best to chill out on the complaining in the future.

Back to the MCAT, I put in 11 hours yesterday and will have about the same today. My weekday schedule is going to change because my kid starts school tomorrow, so I'll have at least 6 hours/day during the week (and plenty of leftovers to go around so NO cooking during this time, LOL!!). And I'm gonna need all the time I can get as there are a few subjects I haven't covered yet, though I'm thrilled I've covered my most difficult subjects 2 and even 3 times at this point.

Again, my posts are going to be short between now and Sept. 10, but I'll try to post as often as is feasible!

Do you wanna dance, or do you wanna dance????

2011-08-24T21:29:00.004-04:00

This is a line/scene from one of my all time favorite movies, the Thomas Crown Affair starring Pierce Bronsen. And these days, the line is more than appropriate in my life.

Given my occasionally chronic GI issues (gotta work on being more meds compliant), occasional sore knees, and the overall exhaustion of being a woman with a family who also works fulltime at a reasonably stressful but rewarding career, I've had to ask myself the question do I REALLY plan to see this med school thing through to the end. And when I go to work and realize some of the limitations I have not being a Pathologist, but reading slides very well, the limitations I experienced being a lab director without "Dr." in front of my name, I realize the answer on my most exhausted day (today) is an emphatic HELL YEAH!!!!!!

And now that the word "easy" is starting to cross my mind more and more as I'm reviewing for the MCAT, I'm starting to really see that the light at the end of the tunnel is indeed NOT a train, LOL!!!

SO with that, I'm going to end this post because I'm a little late with my MCAT review tonight!

Cat trick!

2011-08-23T18:49:00.000-04:00

Just a VERY quick post today before my 20 minuite nap which will be immediately be followed by MCAT study until ~11PM.

Job is going well but I'm still cautiously optimistic about my future there (until med school, that is).

MCAT study is REALLY ramped up and I'm still on track to be very well prepared by Sept. 10.

The cat in the pic is my "youngest" doing a trick for my daughter.

And with that, I'm off to catch a few evening Z's!!

"You could have a long term career here if you wanted it"

2011-08-17T20:31:00.000-04:00

Well those are words I haven't heard in a VERY long time, LOL!! And it's especially nice when they come from your new Supv!

One week into my new gig and I've been assigned a project which has an abstract due in 2 weeks. And I have to present this first author project in the form of a poster in front of company big wigs in October. Needless to say this is HUGE and not just because the opportunity to publish comes along with it, but because this is exactly what I LOVE doing and WANT to be doing right now. I was also personally commended by my Supv's, Supv for the work that I've done so far which has essentially just boiled down to reading ~75 papers and determining biomarkers that may be of interest as potential therapeutic products.

MCAT studying is going well and I can hardly believe that one month from now, I'll have the beast FINALLY slayed!!! For whatever reason (probably the short amount of time I have left, LOL), everything is coming together really nicely in terms of my performance on the passages (I rarely miss more than 2 in any 6 or 7 question passage) and my movement throughout each of the subjects. I've finally adapted to working then coming home to study but as I get more into my job, it is getting a little difficult to stay motivated to study say harmonic motion after I've read papers describing the signaling mechanisms involved in CD4 T-helper cell activation earlier that day. But then I remind myself that I MUST get through steroisomers and whatnot to get to the stuff I'm REALLY interested in and that's usually enough to snap me out of MCAT study boredom into action.

Stay in YOUR own lane, the eat YOUR own words edition, LOL!!!!

2011-08-13T09:13:00.060-04:00

I suppose it's inevitable that a person who's taken medical school courses in Pathology and Histology (among a few others), graduate courses in Anatomy and Physiology, a course in medical terminology, and who's read more pathology reports than she can count, that when asked to describe the staining pattern of something she see's under the microscope, is going use language that sounds a LOT like that of a real Pathologist. And what I've never understood in the past 3 of the last 4 jobs I've had in the past 3/4 years, is why that seems to be such a problem for so many people. (Some of you may recall my blog entry from my last job where the toothless, physically challenged Vet/PhD exclaimed during a meeting to discuss results, "Well maybe Path201X ought to be the Pathologist". And no, the ooogly, insecure witch (that couldn't get tenure on her previous gig) didn't mean that 'ish as a compliment!!!

Well, it turns out that since 2005 when I worked for one the best Surgical Pathologists in the world I have, according to some, had a very serious case of the "you need to stay in my own lane" syndrome. And for those who don't understand the term, that's basically equivalent to someone feeling that you putt your nose in something where they believe it doesn't belong.

Now when I started my cancer research predoctoral training at the NCI/NIH using methods germane to Pathology/Histology, I was surrounded by MD and MD/PhD, DO/PhD Pathology residents and as one of few in the group without that training (I hadn't had medical histology or pathology at that point either), the learning curve was like Mount Everest. And the language I was encouraged to speak in when I was pimped during sign out or in conferences was expected to be in the "language" everyone else was speaking in. That means that while I probably could have gotten away with describing an IHC stain for CD3 in spleen as "the slide shows mainly +4 staining", things went over just a tad bit better when I said "There are areas in the red pulp which show a high degree of necrosis and are +1 and there's extensive staining (4+) in the lymphocytes of the white pulp". Normally, showing things like initiative, enthusiasm, and strong interest to learn new things is encouraged even in Industry, But rarely in my 20+ career, have I felt encouraged on the same level as "others" are to do the same with few exceptions.

Okay, racial statement alert, racial statement alert!!!!

It seems to me that EVERYONE else around me in scientific research, especially those of Asian descent, are not only encouraged to show initiative, enthusiasm, talent and strong interest, but are rewarded with accolades when they do. " Good 'ol Freddy Chin, he really works hard" or "that Susan Bhatacharrya really knows how to get in there and get the job done!!!" However, in the past 3/4 years when I've done that EXACT same thing, some of "da people" almost always ascribe words/phrases like "arrogant" or with the toothless one, "PAth201X's trying to be a Pathologist" or my all-time favorite "Path201X's trying to make me look bad" LOL?? Now why IS that??? Why wasn't my "behavior" seen as arrogance at the NIH/NCI? It wasn't arrogance the semester I spent as a visiting student at FAMU either (I just had to bring that up, I LOVE me some Rattlers, Pssssssssssssss!!!)). And while I was told I was arrogant by the woman PhD who also told me I thought I was cute when I initially worked as a Chemist in Industry, having strong mentors there helped to quickly squash that BS!!!!! However the "cute" comment stayed with me, LOL!!!!

Unfortunately, a Black person's work ethic is frequently characterized as lazy especially if you believe the hype in the media, and yeah I understand there are situations where that applies. However since 1986 when I started doing research, often the assumption for a Black person who's confident and works hard in a lab setting is that they're arrogant and occasionally trying to make others look bad, a term I hear especially about Africans these days (remember the African guy I tried to hire earlier this year? I thought he was brilliant, "they" though he was VERY arrogant and he was NOT hired). Well no offense, but if I've got 2 Master's and 2 Bachelor's and you've got an AA, exactly how difficult is it going to be for Path201X or anyone else to make you "look bad" in a professional setting if we're going head to head on a topic where we both have expertise? (Okay, that might sound a tad arrogant, LOL) . Now for clarity, I'm NOT talking about talking down to people, or making them feel as if their knowledge isn't valuable or that they have no professional contributions to make because I'm sure we all know of real life examples of people with professional skills that far exceed their educational training level. What I'm talking about is instead of feeling threatened by someone else's expertise or the fact that theymay know more than you about a particular subject, the insecure one simply get off its hatin', lazy bum and educate itself!!! Interestingly, but certainly NOT ironically, the more educated the folks are I work around are, the less often I hear "complaints" about my work ethic. And having dealt with this off and on for years on end, I'm sure that 'ish ain't no coincidence!

Which brings me to my current gig, do I "pump my brakes" as my sister would say on my professional acumen especially around the interview killer with the AA "who no speaka no pathology language", or do I say to hell with that, and do my job??? Anyone who reads my blog regularly can probably answer that for themselves, which means I'm in for yet another roller coaster ride on the J.O.B............. that is until I matriculate in med school where it seems there are PLENTY of people of ALL colors with initiative, enthusiasm, talent and a VERY strong interest in what they do.

697.......................................697 days until I start med school, God willing!

Buttocks STILL in tact!

2011-08-10T18:37:00.020-04:00

So it's Wednesday and I'm feeling better about my new gig AKA the image in today's post! But the sad/angry face is just me getting used to working a full-time gig again. Man was I out of it, LOL!!!!As I expected, my new supervisor and I get along well so far (being fellow Chapel Hill Alumni with strong NC roots doesn't hurt), and we've already sat at the microscope together. And he's a guy, so that's 90% of the battle IMHO, LOL!!!

Turns out the interview killer had "heard through the grapevine" that I was being hired to replace her and that's why she tried to annihilate me during the interview. But that 'ish doesn't excuse her completely trashing me to the others afterwards. Hers was the ONLY vote I didn't get to be hired and maybe that's to expected given her paranoia about her job. But I also realize that's HER dumb a$$ and HER dumb 'ish, and I've got other things to focus on like achieving my personal and professional goals and objectives beginning with the MCAT next month.

Speaking of professional goals, I'm pretty sure I'm going to stick with Pathology as a professional field because after reading different blogs of Docs involved in direct patient care and doing other research, I think the stuff outside of seeing patients would work my nerves into some serious career dissatisfaction. But I also realize that I've been in the Path game since '03 so by the time I finish my training between '21-'23, I'll have a significant professional advantage that's just way too good to give up in favor of something new, however enjoyable. And the fact is that I really, really, REALLY do enjoy the field of Pathology better than anything else I've been exposed to in medicine so far. Plus I'm really good at it and it's one of the few fields where you can hone in your skills without a medical license, LOL!!!

On to the MCAT, I'm only about 70% done which means I have a LOT of work to do. So I've adopted the same mindset I'd likely have in preparing for Boards, where it seems most students only get about a month to prepare. To make sure I get everything done on time, I've set up a VERY intense schedule which pretty much takes up ALL my weekends from now until the weekend before the test, which I plan to take off. And yes, I'm confident that I'll get through the rest of it with few problems since my problems areas have been addressed and readdressed. Then addressed again, LOL!!! Once again, I'm so thankful for TBR and can't imagine what in the hell I would have done without it!!!

I'll have some eggs, toast, and a side of human buttocks?

2011-08-06T11:02:00.009-04:00

A friend of mine asked me yesterday how I feel about starting my new gig in Big Pharma on Monday and my response was a lot like Daniel felt just before he was placed in a den full of lions. Industry jobs have always been especially challenging for me because of the petty political atmosphere that seems to be par for the course in these types of places. Ironically, the one company I did have a very positive working experience with, I visited last Friday and do this about once or twice per year. And the reason I've never tried to return there to work is because while I throughly enjoyed being a Chemist, I'm not as interested in that type of work as I am in pathology type work.

I keep telling myself God has blessed me with this opportunity for some good reason, but I struggle to know now what that reason could possible be besides the obvious. What I do know and realized at the training I went to last Thursday is that if I don't identify someone who cares enough about me to be a professional mentor, I'm gonna be screwed in the long run. And that's why I go visit old work places, I was fortunate to work for and with folks who took an interest in my professional growth and development which is why I still maintain relationships with many of them today. Honestly, I feel like my new supervisor could possibly be that next mentor, at least that's what I'm hoping. The problem is that he's only been with the company for 8 months or so, and as I've observed in Industry in the past, even his DVM/PhD having self could be "done in" by the morbidly obese interview killer with the AA degree, because she's been there over 15 years.

Moving on to MCAT stuff, I got a 1 out of 7 on one of the verbal passages in a set I completed on Thursday, LOL!!! And I guess I'm able to laugh about it because that was the ONLY passage in that group I did so poorly on. But I realized that the test isn't necessarily designed for test takers to get ALL the questions right. In fact, they probably throw in these time killers to see who will be dumb enough to actually waste precious test time on ridiculously difficult to understand/answer passages. So along with all the other verbal strategies I have, I've added moving on from a super difficult passage (which is hard as heck for me to do) and coming back to it if I have time at the end.

Now for those of you who don't know how the biblical story of Daniel in the lion's den ended, let's just say that Daniel's buttocks were NOT on the menu, but that those of his enemies were. And that's an ending I can work with!

Elephant skin, anyone?

2011-08-04T16:55:00.030-04:00

Earlier today, I attended training sponsored by a company that makes instrumentation used in histology/pathology. And when I realize that not only is the timesheet throwing Eggplant from my last job in attendance, but also the uncle Tomasina (code for a Black woman who stabs you in the back) and the old supervisor from the job where I was fired from in 2009 for the first time in a career that goes back to 1986, I KNOW I'm gonna have an interesting day, LOL!!

They say there's 7 degree's of separation? Actually it's more like 3 or 4 in metro DC histology circles, and I came across people who knew people I'd worked with in the past over and over again today. I saw the guy that worked with me when I was Lab Director (and whom I didn't want to hire in the first place) who then quit on the second day, almost immediately after he got a whiff of the Nazi Investigator at this University.I also saw the guy who recommended me for the job where I became lab director whom I met on the job I was fired from. And his was an interesting story. Turns out the company that fired me, fired him too earlier this year and now he's pretty much being blackballed in this area where histology jobs are concerned. But the story doesn't end here. The intuition I had about the woman who grilled me during the interview for my current job, was pretty much right on point and confirmed by a number of different sources at the training today including the guy being blackballed. Lucky me!

All this brings me to Ms.P, a lady I met today who now works at the university where I was Lab director, who said this to me. When God is all up in your life,there's NOTHING the devil can do about it unless you LET him (or them). Now she said this to me because she overheard me talking about my concerns and feelings to Ms. J, a woman I think of as my Histo mentor who was also at today's training. Now I gotta be honest here, seeing the people who went out of their way to try to destroy my career along with seeing the Eggplant, combined with my trepidation about working with the interview killer from my new gig, had me feeling pretty "off" for a good part of the morning. So during the first break, Ms.J told me straight up that I needed to thicken the old skin and not forget who I am, what I'm capable of doing, and what my future holds(and I'm really gonna work on getting back the thick skin I USED to have because I'm gonna need it for med school). So about 5 of us ladies formed what in retrospect should be called a prayer circle because it turns out that ALL of us are dealing with some levels of the same crap on the J.O.B. They have handled it/are handling it with the upmost of peace and grace, and me not so much. But when Ms. P started praying right then and there, I thought I was gonna get my shout on, LOL!!!! She reminded me that grace and peace are already given to us by God, but that we often forget that when we find ourselves dealing with negative situations and people. And that's exactly what the devil wants us to do because it's causes us to loose focus, get off our "game". So no sooner than Ms.P finished quoting scripture than Uncle Tomasina and crew walk by. And all I could feel was the biggest sense of peace, accomplishment, and grace. Then I claimed VICTORY!!!!!

I've had a LOT of time over the past few months to think about who I am, where I am, and where I want to be after 2 years of having the best and worst employment expereinces in my career. And what I realize is that I always have to remind myself that I am a child of the most high God, who has already blessed me in so many ways and brought me through so many things, that I have NO REASON to doubt His power and presence in my life now. But the most important thing I have to remember is that many "battles" in life are NOT mine to fight. I've got to work on knowing when to "fight" and when to let peace be still. And like Ms. P said, I don't need to pray for peace and grace because God's already given me those things, I simply have to walk in the faith that when I need it most, both peace and grace WILL be there. Just as it's always been!

Now I'll leave you with one of my ultimate favorite videos during trying times, so please put your hands together for Mary, Mary's God in Me:

I blog, you blog, we ALL blog???

2011-08-03T20:50:00.014-04:00

Only recently have I started to look around the net, reading blog after blog, trying to figure out what the hell everyone has to talk about that they think someone else would actually want to read it? Well I guess it turns out that a LOT of people have a LOT to talk about that apparently a LOT of people want to read about. Case in point, THIS blog, this spelling error filled, Edgar Allen 'NO' like, grammar check needing blog that ~75 people read on a VERY regular basis. I've gone off the deep end on Black people, white women, and everyone in between. I've been angry, happy, academically confused, content, and otherwise VERY agitated that I can't seem to find "career satisfaction", yet people still regularly read, so what gives?

When I started writing this blog my original thought was that I needed to reassure those of us who were unceremoniously told to leave college (i.e who flunked out) that there was academic life after being academically kicked out of school. And although I have a special place in my academic heart for those who come form low income backgrounds and underrepresented minorities, I'm happy with the thought that anyone can find inspiration from what I've been through and are able to carve their own path to success.

But what I've got back in return from blogging, I never in a million years saw coming. I've "met" some really wonderful people that I could never have met in real life, 1) Because I hate to fly anywhere outside of for business reasons and 2) Having a family, career, and going to school doesn't leave much time for anything else, certainly not meeting other people.

And while there are certain aspects of my life that I keep private due in large part to the crazy world we live in and the quasi "threat" I received on premed site (for women) regarding a school I had intended to apply to in the past, I still feel like I've been true both to myself and to my readers. I mean really, how many people would admit to taking the MCAT multiple, multiple, times and getting kicked out of school, LOL???

So why is it that EVERYONE these days seems to be blogging? Is it a form of therapy as it occasionally is for me? Or are people somehow trying to heal the world with their words, which occasionally is NOT me? Most blogs I read leave me saying to myself, now this is the most boring 'ish I've ever read in my entire life! And the ones that fit those bills tend to be the ones that seem so damn perfect. As in, I graduated Summa Cume Laude from Ivy League University, was a Rhodes scholar after that, then attended Ivy League University 2 for law school, and now I'm a married mother of 2 darling boys, with a George Clooney look a like husband!!! And did I mention I'm on track to be partner working part-time? I mean really, NO ONE's life that I know in real life is that freakin' perfect, so can you pla-eeze keep it real lady? FYI, this isn't about hatin' as much as it is about the experience of my own mistakes and the mistakes I've seen happen in the lives of others. Like it's far easier to get into that Ivy League 2 school as a law student when your pops is a dean there, but you somehow left THAT important fact out. As for the George Clooney look alike husband, all the ones I know like that are a LOT like the real George Clooney relationship wise which IMHO, isn't all that conducive to long, term monogamous relationships. But of course, when you're blogging to the world about how perfect your life is, that's not a fact anyone is gonna bring up in conversation.

Anyhoo, I guess I like blogs that are a lot like mine, filled with happy days and sad days, rainbows and thunderstorms, hell raising and shout outs, because real life seems to work out just like that, like one hellva roller coaster ride!!!

One last thing, a BIG THANK YOU to the readers of this blog who apparently don't mind that my writing style is more Richard "wrong" than Richard Wright and who also enjoy roller coasters that have "drops" at 2G's and peaks to the moon, LOL!!! YOU keep me inspired to stay on this crazy a$$ path to med school as a middle age Black woman!!

I AM the master!!!!!!

2011-08-02T23:47:00.006-04:00

I AM THE MCAT JEDI MASTER, LOL!!!

At least this is what I'm going to keep telling myself until 9/10/11. Tonight was another VERY good night with organic review and I'm pretty much back to the 80% in ALL subjects, including Organic. And like Superman with X-ray vision, I can spot the tricky wording in questions quite easily having finally gotten used to the MCAT test writing style, which quite frankly should have occurred to me 5 tests ago. The biggest difference THIS time? I haven't allowed myself to psyche myself out (does that make sense?) or crash and burn when I "peak" too early. I've also done so many passages I feel like I'm going regurgitate (or poop) MCAT passages anyway day now!! And now I declare that I am officially I'm SICK of MCAT passages!!

So again, another shout out to Berkeley Review for breakin' it all down like a fraction? Umm, that was kinda corny, I'm just so thankful I had the resources to purchase the books 3 or 4 years ago (what da'?). And I'm more thankful that I FINALLY have the mental wherewithal and motivation to get this damn test over with!! For real dough!!!

From junk to treasure

2011-08-01T13:41:00.007-04:00

This past Saturday, my daughter and I got up early to do one of my ALL time favorite things, shop local Goodwill and Salvation Army stores looking for old china, and boy did we have a GREAT time!! For those who are into second hand stores and what not, DC is has some of the best "stores" of ANY area I've ever lived in! And even though I've lived in metro DC 10 years this Fall, there are still many, many places I've never been or seen so whenever we decide to explore the area, we always get lost! And Saturday was a beautiful day to get lost tyring to find the Goodwill and Salvation Army stores!

Almost everyone I know collects something, and that something for me is a tea cup with a matching saucer. Since I was 11, I've always collected old china and Saturday I found more beautiful pieces than I'd seen in almost a year of looking. Now, I'm what they call seriously frugal so when I found a beautiful set at a Goodwill in Annapolis a few months ago, I simply refused to pay $6 for a single tea cup and saucer. However at one DC Goodwill, I found 4 different sets for a total of about ~45 pieces including a few that had matching plates, bowls, ect and paid ~$18 for everything. The picture with this post is of my favorite in the group.

Hopefully, everyone has something they do to relax and for me, nothing in the world makes me feel as good as having a cup of peppermint tea in one of my special "finds". And I so throughly enjoy drinking tea from a beautiful piece of art, masquerading as a tea cup!!!!

On to the MCAT, I've started again with my Organic review while also trying to finish up Chemistry and Physics. At this point, my study plan has NO rhyme or reason other than it's working for me, so I'm rolling with it! And also thinking about how I will need to approach my study for the boards, deciding the key to that will be to decide what my weak areas are (and those most certainly will NOT be either histology/pathology, LOL) and also which study materials I need. Recognizing that I have a photographic memory I think significantly changes how I need to learn vast amounts of info, so I've played up my strengths in study prep for the MCAT in an effort to get this together NOW. And I think it will be real interesting to see if this works for me when I take the real thing because if it does, I'll most certainly want to pass it on to others. To go from a 17M (taken the night after partying ALL night long in 1991) to a 30 something Q, would likely be a story MANY would want to hear, LOL!!!!

Finally, I need to share with my readers a blog I found which is probably one of the best personal/medical blogs on the net. "Reflections of a Grady Doctor" is an amazing story of life as a Doc at an urban hospital, combined with motherhood and matrimony. Please take a moment to check it out as I HIGHLY recommend it!

Chemistry is b-e-a-utiful!!!

2011-07-29T16:31:00.010-04:00

So in support of my daughter's “decision” to earn a BS in Geological Engineering followed by a PhD in Geology instead of pursuing a career as an Architectural Engineer, we decided to visit the Museum of Natural History in DC. Of course, much of geology as it relates to stone formation, is nothing but physics combined with plain ol' chemistry, so I had a good time trying to guess which elements created the plethora of beautiful colors we saw in the stones!
And seeing all these naturally created colors made me think about the beauty of what God has created and about pathology as well, since I get to see the same kaleidoscope of colors staining tissue too!

MCAT wise, I had another great week ending with scores of 9 PS, 11VR, and 13BS and again I want to emphasize that: 1) I haven’t yet finished reviewing everything and 2) Focusing so intensely on verbal for months early on is the reason I score so well without having reviewed all the material yet. In a nut shell, I’m perfectly on track to take and do well on my exam this September!!
That’s all for today, have a great weekend and stay cool (as in temp)!!!!

I'm feeling schizo lately

2011-07-26T15:48:00.005-04:00

So I'm back to using the name Path201X because now that I'm preparing to back to work in a pathology/histology lab setting, I'm realizing just how much I really LOVE the field. And I'm VERY good at it too!

Which has me thinking of how I can combine my interest in working with patients with pathology. Then I recall that my pediatrician growing up was a DO that NEVER completed a residency, just her internship year. For clarity, I'm not talking about being able to see patients in a hospital or similar setting because that would obviously require I complete residency and get certified. I'm talking about being able to volunteer at a clinic for uninsured patients a couple times/month. Or being able to go to Costa Rica and live for a month while providing healthcare to indigent folks there. I'm thinking those type activities may not be beyond my reach if I say, complete internship year like Paths in the past were required to do (and which helps with passing step 3 IMHO), then finish a Path residency.

Here's a better question. What's the difference between a Doc who only completed their Intern year in a patient care setting, and a DNP/NP/PA? Don't they get to see patients unsupervised?

Anyhoo, just more sharing of the thoughts running through my head. Now I have to get back down to earth where I'm about to hit the MCAT Physics books!

Pre-Pre 3rd year all nighters

2011-07-24T15:56:00.012-04:00

For whatever reason, I didn't go to sleep until 6 AM this morning, which means I was up for 23 hours straight for no pressing reason. So I did end up having 2 MCAT study sessions yesterday, one at my local starbucks and the other from about 10PM until 2AM. And my study is going extremely well!! After studying, I surfed the net and cable TV until I finally fell asleep at ~6AM. And while surfing the net, I came across the TV show Hopkins 24/7 which I had NEVER watched before. And in typical fashion, the stories that touch me more were the ones of people being treated for cancer. One of the story lines was about a 14 year old girl who was diagnosed with uterine cancer (eventually), but because the insurance company took her family on a trip down "papertrail" lane, her treatement was delayed, and she ended up dying from a cancer that typically has a 5 year survival rate in the 90% range. So once again, I'm reminded of why I HATE insurance companies and why the idea of having to deal with them in ANY way, pushes me back into wanting to stick with Pathology!!

Anyhoo, this is going to be a short post because now my 23 hour marathon is starting to catch up with me! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!

Finally, RIP to Amy Winehouse. This woman could sang, as we say down south. I'm just wishing she like so many others before her, had said yes, yes, yes, to a long term successful stint in rehab.In the video below, she sings the Marvin Gaye/Tammy Terrell flavored "Tears Dry On Their Own". They most certainly do......................

The beauty of diversity

2011-07-19T20:31:00.013-04:00

One of the things that was at the forefront of my mind when I moved here in 2000 was that I wanted my daughter to have a VERY different childhood/educational experience than the one I had growing up from age 10 to 17 in Florida, living in an all Black neighborhood and attending all Black publicschools. Actually, I wanted her to have the diverse life I had growing up in Cali until my parents divorced when I was 10 years old.

Well her life hasn't been "diverse/Black enough" to me which I realize is a pretty ridiculous statement to make given that we quite deliberately live in the one of the least Black neighborhoods in metro DC (I've mentioned before that most Buppies in metro DC live in PG County, a county I refuse to live in because the public schools are crap despite having the highest per capita income of Blacks in the US). But that move was about getting her the best public education we could (and it's tops in the US), more than anything else.

So this year, when we were applying to summer camps for her to attend, I purposely picked one that I knew was targeted to Black girls because well, I wanted her to try to have more Black friends, girls with goals similar to hers. Well, the photo in this post is of my daughter's project group at camp and as you can see, the ONLY black girl in the photo is my kid. So I send my kid to an engineering camp with 80% Black girls, and she STILL ends up in a group full of Asian girls, LOL!!! And I should NOT be surprised. Her best friend is Chinese, most of the kids in the orchestra with her are Asian, and she's been taking Chinese language since she was in elementary school. Her bedroom is also full of Asian furniture and whatnots and has been since elementary school.

Now on one level, I'm thrilled she hangs with Chinese kids because when it comes to academics, these kids mean business. I've never seen one of them in "booty shorts", and when they come to our home, I eavesdrop on them talking about which classes to take and what college they want to attend. So when I asked her yesterday why she doesn't have many "other" friends, she responded that most of the "other" girls at her school are either too fast or too ghetto (and let me clarify, she ain't just talking about just Black girls here). What?!?! I can admit, that I've been looking at crotches and weave since she was in elementary school but I never expected to hear her say that. She does have one Black and one White girlfriend, but is that "enough"? Does that question even make sense?

I keep asking myself if it's okay that her main friends happen to be Asian, and I guess it should be because people should be allowed to be whomever they are and associate with people whom they have things in common with. And today's kids seems much more open minded about race than people in my generation were. People close to me tell me I'm worrying for no reason, that I should be happy she's not that into boys (yet), and seems so focused on having her own personal style, and being her own individual. And I am. I guess.

Angry Black woman no more???

2011-07-18T22:13:00.016-04:00

FYI, I've changed my "name" to Doc201X to reflect the fact that I appear headed toward a TBD clinical medical speciality to be combined with a research career.

Now I know I've blogged about this before, but feel that because I'm entering a new mindset professionally, I'll speak about it again to put this issue to rest.

There are a couple events which occurred during my previous tenure as Director of Histopathology and Pathology Lab Manager over the past 2 years, that will forever change who I am as a Scientist and future Physician (and because the internet isn't all that anonymous, I choose to wait until now to discuss it with more specific details):

1) Having an employee that works for me throw her timesheet on my desk when she thought I wasn't looking (Eggplant).

2) Being regularly screamed at by a colleague (Physically "challenged", raggedy mouth DVM/PhD).

3) Not being put on committees other lab director's were on.

4) Having my choice of whom to hire to work for me, vetoed on BOTH jobs as Director and Lab Manager.

Now I've seen Black women in charge in Scientific/Medical settings all of my collegiate/professional life but I had NO IDEA just how much $hit they had to deal with every day that is, until I got a little "power" myself. So not long after I resigned this past March, I went to see every Black woman I knew who was in a position of power and asked them why da' hell they didn't warn me, LOL!! And they all pretty much laughed (at my naivety I suppose), LOL!!!

I've also wondered why so many Black woman in power seemed so cold and icy, and now I know it's a survival mechanism, even though cold and icy isn't my personality nor could it ever be. But I have learned how to be Kimberly, doing my best to remain and maintain a cool as a cucumber disposition at ALL times and I can admit it took me a minute to "get over" just how bad I was treated on my last gig. What I know for sure as a Black woman is that anger, even the perception/misperception of anger, is a career killer, no matter how justified she may be in her feelings. And I'm thrilled to feel like I've got that in check, FINALLY!!

What do the people say, "No weapon formed against me shall prosper"? You'd better believe it!

PS- This post doesn't in ANY way change the fact that I will NOT work for another woman between now and med school, LOL!!!

Path's top 5 "What Da ????" moments of late

2011-07-15T17:46:00.010-04:00

Given how outspoken I am, I thought it would be fun to post a list of my "what da' ???" moments every now and then. And please feel free to fill in the ??? with whatever word/explicative you feel appropriate:

1) The dems and repubs are in a stand off over avoiding a debt crisis!!! What da" ???????

2) Casey Anthony is going to be released this weekend. What da" ????. And let me give you a hint on the ????, it begins with the letter "F"!!!!!!

3) I had some SERIOUS negotiations with my new Big Pharma company regarding my salary. What da' ???.

4) The Repubs recently rescinded a document which essentially stated that black families were better off during slavery. What da' double "F word" here!!!!

5) With a beautiful weekend ahead weatherwise, I'll be at my local bookstore/Wegmans studying for the MCAT. What da'???? Okay maybe this one shouldn't count, LOL!!!!

So what exactly is the plan, Miss Thang?

2011-07-13T18:06:00.012-04:00

Good question, and these past 4 months have given me PLENTY of time to think about that. So here goes and since I've been a student off and on since 1984, I tend to do these things by school calender year:

1) Fall 2011-Take MCAT in Early September, enroll in Bioinformatics course (you didn't think I forgot that, did you?).

* Stay focused and motivated

2) Spg 2012- Communicate with MD and DO schools regarding my impending application. Enroll in Bioinformatics course.

* Stay focused and motivated

3) Summer 2012- Enroll in Bioinformatics course, apply to med schools/begin work on secondaries.

* Stay focused and motivated

4) Fall 2012- Finish secondaries/interview to med school, get ASCP certification in Histology, Molecular Pathology, and IHC, enroll in Bioinformatics course.

* Stay focused and motivated

5) Spring 2013 - Enroll in 2 Bioinformatics courses, get certificate in Bioinformatics in May 2013.

* Stay focused and motivated

6) Summer 2013 - Start MD/PhD (in Bioinformatics) or DO/PhD program.

Now let me just put this out there early, this plan may be delayed by a year due to a significant decision I need to make regarding my personal life. But one year is the MAX amount of time I'm going to allow anything or anyone to delay me any further, outside of some VERY serious illness/tragic event. And given that I've already delayed my med school goals a couple times for others and occasionally due to some serious illness/tragic event/other, I'm getting to the point now where I may need to just "be there" by Skype from the library of someones medical school in the future!!

10 things I do to reduce my risk of breast cancer

2011-07-13T08:54:00.010-04:00

I'm posting this list at the request of one of my most faithful readers and someone I consider a friend. Here's to your Kris!

1) I maintain a normal body-mass index (BMI). 
2) I exercise regularly. 
3) I don't smoke. 
4) I actively work to control my stress through diet, exercise/yoga, and decreasing my exposure to negative things and people. 
5) I perform monthly breast exams and have a mammogram every year.
6) I limit my consumption of exogeneous chemicals in foods for example, hormones and other chemicals in meats and pesticides on fruits and veges. This basically means I spend a lotta money at Whole Foods, LOL!!!
7) I limit my alcohol intake.
8) I take vitamin and mineral supplements everyday and eat fruit and veges, like blueberries and broccoli, which have anti-tumor/cancer properties.
9) I limit my exposure to environmental pollution such as vehicle exhaust, gas fumes, and other air pollution.
10)Because many researchers feel that changing these 2 on the list has the potential to reduce by as much as 75%, the chronic disease we see in the black community, I'm going to relist here maintaing a healthy weight and eating healthy foods.

Now I can easily admit that like other people, there's a few on this list I do better than others, for example I could exercise more than I do now , which incidentally wasn't a problem when I was working full time. Go figure!! Now that I'll be back to work in about a month and have decided to catch the bus which will also include about a quarter mile walk from where the bus lets me off to get to my job, I won't have too many problems getting my exercise in on a regular basis.

You're hired!!

2011-07-12T13:49:00.003-04:00

After almost 4 months, it looks like my days of being involuntarily unemployed are about to come to an end, with a start date for my new gig with Big Pharma tentatively set for August 6, 2011 (that's a Saturday?). And while I haven't received the official offer yet (remember NOTHING is official until you see it in writing), I'm confident I'll be signing off on this new gig very soon!

So what was the first thing I did to "celebrate"? I rescheduled my MCAT for Sept. 10, one, because I needed the extra time and two, because I wasn't going to take a day off on my new job in my first 2 weeks on the job. And despite my concerns about returning to Big Pharma, I'm thrilled to have this opportunity where so many people are either very underemployed or unemployed.

Regarding the MCAT, I had to pull out yet another Physical sciences book for clarity, this one by princeton review and NOW I can say my physics is going well AND is showing signs of consistency. So that's 3 test prep methods, EK, Princeton review, and Berkeley review needed for one d*mn subject! URGH!!! But at least I'm getting it together for what WILL be the last time!

Well, I think I'm going to celebrate with family tonight as this has been a LONG haul with MANY disappointments along the way. But I'm certain that everything I've dealt with the past 4 months or so are really just opportunities for me to toughen up to what's going to be required of me once I matriculate in Med School!

More lessons in being inspired and committed to medicine

2011-07-07T15:58:00.006-04:00

You're a wealth of healthy information regarding this disease (breast cancer). My mother passed she had uterus cancer, my oldest sister had passed away last year battling breast cancer, my other sister survived nasopharyngeal carcinoma, my other sister found a cluster they removed last week and will be getting radiation therapy in a month. I've had my bout with CML and in complete remission. I will take heed to your 10 steps. Thank you so much! This is very good information.

These days I feel my life is one recurring message after another of how my time to matriculate into med school is drawing near and for those moments when I'm frustrated to hell and back (studying physics, of course), I get a reminder of why I need to suck it up, get the job done,and keep it moving! And the PM above did just that plus so much more.

On my facebook page, I posted 10 things I do in my life to reduce my chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer or any cancer for that matter. And yesterday, I received the above PM from Karen, one of my high school classmates regarding my post where I was shocked to learn that cancer seems to "run in her family". Which got me thinking of all the other cancers out there that aren't as hip and popular as breast cancer and this ironically, led me to read a recent post by Kris where she talks about the same thing (premed married to a Doc listed on my side bar).

I'd like to think that my research portfolio could be applicable to many different cancers and because I find apoptosis and cell signaling particular interesting, that goal probably isn't out of reach. And while there is some overlap in how some cancers behave on a molecular level, there does seems to be cancer research "preferences" that essentially boils down to which cancers can get funded. Speaking of cancer, I'll be attending the NCI Health Disparities Meeting next week primarily out of sincere and obvious interest, but also in a last ditch effort to secure a position doing cancer health disparities research. Normally, I'm very optimistic but given all the false starts I've had in this regard, I'm not anymore. It just may be that I won't get to do the kind of cancer research I'm interested in until I get "Dr" in front of my name and that's cool. That's gives me that much more motivation to get this show on the road ASAP!!!!

Speaking of becoming a Doc, my physics prep is finally starting to come together. Of course, I've had to use 2 different test prep books and a college physics text, but that's okay. I'm just thrilled to be finally slaying this beast called Physics prep! And no, I won't get the first book done by tomorrow, but I'm happy with the progress anyway!

A whole lotta something to talk about

2011-07-05T14:00:00.008-04:00

I guess I'm blogging a LOT these days, trying to enjoy what I feel are my last days of being unemployed. In fact, the "VERY difficult" interview I had last week I completely misread because not only have I heard from 2 of the folks I interviewed with that I did extremely well, it seems almost certain that they're close to making me an offer I won't be able to refuse. And the 5-10 minute commute to work is just an added bonus. So it's looking like I'll be going back to Big Pharma after all because: 1) We don't really want to move, not for a job/fellowship and 2) Doing a "practice run" of the commute pretty much KILLED the idea of commuting 90 miles one way for the next however long. An additional plus mentioned by the MAN who may be my next boss is that that will pay for my degree or cert in Bioinformatics and that they're currently building up the Bioinformatics division of this section of the company. We'll see, I'm STILL concerned about working with that ONE woman........................

Moving on, one of the required elements of the research I've chosen to do over the years is that it must in some way, address illnesses that are critical in the Black community or health disparities. So when I completed my first Master's degree, my thesis project looked at sickle cell anemia. My second master's thesis looked primarily at ER negative breast cancer cells lines, with ER negative cancers being far more likely in minority/Black women. Yesterday this realization, combined with the "clinical" turn my medical interests have started to have, led me to think long and hard about the field of Hematology/Oncology. Ironically, or maybe not ironically, when mentioning clinical medical specialties on my blog, all of them involve an IM residency except Preventative Medicine. Infectious Diseases, Neurology, and now Hematology/Oncology ALL involve an IM residency. So I'm pretty certain if I go the clinical route, IM is very likely be "it" for me.

That said, there's also a new Hospitalist who should get some credit for my new found interest in IM, she being otherwise known as Efex on oldpremeds and Mommd. Besides having an enormous amount of respect for her as former member of the military, wife and mother and now doctor, I've always appreciated her candor in talking about what a career in medicine is really like. And because I've been able to appreciate a good Hospitalist as a patient, I'd always respected her professional choices in an era when some people naively think that smart Docs ALWAYS considering positions "sexier" than Hospitalist. But then I've always wanted a research career too, so I figure I'd have to find something within IM that could potentially "work" for me research wise too.

Right now, there doesn't seem to be a better clinical choice for me that IM/Hem/Onc. My already strong background in cancer research would be an obvious plus but my research portfolio could also include Hematology/sickle cell disease too. I don't know how realistic that kinda of research pursuit could be, but from what I already know of both cancer and sickle cell disease there's definitely some room for overlap, besides the fact that some researchers often do look at more than one disease, like the advisor I did the sickle cell project with. Topped off with my pathology and hospice experience, this would again just be another significant plus to my consideration of IM/Hem/Onc.

Okay, I'm going come back down to earth now because I realize I'm getting waaaayyyyyy ahead of myself. But the prospects in Hem/Onc certainly look pretty darn good from a premeds perspective!

Finally, one quick blurb about my MCAT prep. Following in the spirit of me being "all over the place", I decided to take the next few days to wrap up the book one of the TBR Physics review instead of finishing up Biology, and expect to have it complete by Sunday (which I hope isn't wishful thinking). Once again, I think because I focused so intensely on verbal first, this section which has previously been VERY difficult for me, is now so much easier, if easier can be used in the same sentence as the word Physics, LOL!!!! At any rate, I'll be about 50% done with my MCAT review (yeah, I should be further along by now), having found it much easier to just study whatever topic I feel like studying for that week. Whatever works is what I always say, though finding what would work for me wasn't the easiest thing in the world!

No rhyme or reason

2011-07-04T23:45:00.003-04:00

And this is the theme for my MCAT study of late. Sure, I've been pretty consistent with studying on a regular basis, but it's kinda been all over the place, as I tend to be sometimes, LOL!!! Put another way, I was REALLY starting to burn out with doing passages, having done too many to count (and doing well of course), so now I'm going to focus more on content type rather than test taking strategies. And I should finish up my Bio review over the next week or so.

Interestingly, a couple recurring themes started to emerge as I started to burn out with practicing passages. My math skills needed some serious rehab. I miss problems not because I don't know/understand the question, but I'm ether rushing reading the answer choices or I'm not paying enough attention to the passage, question stem, or answer choices. And finally, I tend to forget that 75% of what I need to know to answer the questions are in the passage.

OTOH, I am rather enjoying myself with my prep, especially when I can recognize tricky questions and this boosts my self-esteem and motivation, which by all admission, has been a struggle this spring/summer. But I've thankfully got PLENTY of sources of both inspiration and motivation from my readers and from the blogs of other women/mothers/wives crazy enough to embark on this journey with serious "baggage" in tow!

Interesting week

2011-07-03T11:02:00.017-04:00

Last week was pretty much the most stressful week I've had in a VERY long time. It started with a pretty serious health issue (flares causing MAJOR problems) and ended up with me saving a woman's life at the closing ceremony of my daughter's engineering camp.

So lemme see where do I begin......I guess I'll start with the interview from holy hell.

There's a part of me that regularly asks myself why, KNOWING that I HATE the political atmosphere of working in big pharma, in the hell do I continue to subject myself to such foolishness by interviewing for gigs in Big Pharma? Between the fact that 2 out of 8 interviewers were horrific (and female, surprise, surprise) and there was a question on the job app about having been dismissed/fired from a previous employer, I'm NOT sitting by my phone waiting on them to get back to me with any positive news. They harped on my dismissal a LOT, not to mention one of the interviews (horrific female) had had a terrible working relationship with a guy I knew from the place I'd been fired from. And he and I got a long great, so great that he recommended me for the job where I eventually became lab director. So I'm thinking it's crystal clear she hated this guy I liked very much, so we probably won't be able to work together. Of course, I'd already determined that since she was so mean and hateful when she interviewed me. At any rate, I'm certain God has something better out there for me than this.

Which brings me to the really great news, I'm being considered for a fellowship with the Feds in Bioinformatics and while it's not cancer related, it's a solid job with a great organization. And they'll pay for me to get my Bioinform degree or certificate too. Unfortunately, it's a clearance type position so if I'm offered the opportunity I won't be able to speak much about it. The downside is that we'd have to consider moving since the commute would be 1.5 hours, but for a great opportunity, I think I could make it work commute or not.

Finally, I had the shock of a lifetime when at the closing ceremony of my daughter's camp, a woman needed emergency medical care. Not only was I the only person in a room of about 70 people who knew what to do, no one stepped up to help me at first. Ironically, I'd been sitting between this woman and a PhD during the program and it's funny what insignificant things you remember in an emergency. I suspected the woman was having a seizure since she was foaming at the mouth and at 200+ pounds, I had a VERY difficult time getting her to the floor BY MYSELF, so I could place her on her side and clear her airways as much as possible. I'm screaming for people to come help me, most of the people appear frozen in fear, and finally a man comes to help me keep her on her side.

Then the PhD I'd been sitting next to, runs up from across the room and says "I'm a Doctor", to which I respond "what took you so long to get over here"!!! She then says "we need to give her sugar and elevate her feet". WHAT?!?!? My non interested in medicine 14 year old knows you NEVER place ANYTHING in the mouth of a person who appears to be having a seizure/choking!! And I'd remembered seeing the woman eat fruit earlier, so I was pretty sure low glucose was NOT the issue. I shouted back to her "no, she could choke", and proceeded to do my best to keep her on her side with her mouth slightly open so the mucous could drain out.

So as the man and I are doing our best to keep her on her side, I hear someone talking to 911 saying that they think the woman just passed out and that she sounds like she's snoring. Snoring?? SNORING?!?! These types of incorrect assessments probably cost MANY people their lives!!! If the 911 operator thinks they're dealing with a drunk who passed out, they're NOT going to be in a rush to send help!!! Of course, I can't be by her side and talk to 911 at the same time, so I ask someone else to call 911 and tell them that the woman is starting to become cyanotic/turn blue and to get over here ASAP!!!! Still, I think it must have taken the ambulance 30+ minutes to get there.

When I arrived at the ER with the woman's daughter, she was in stable condition and because no other family members had arrived, I lied about being the woman's sister. I took the daughter back to the area where her mother was, then called the woman's mother to let her know what tests had been done, what her condition was, and that she was okay. The final diagnosis was seizure just as I suspected.

Right now, I don't know what I'm most in shock about. The fact that a PhD "doctor" could have killed this woman by putting something in her mouth, the fact that people really do get brain freeze in an emergency, the fact that despite all the public service announcements people don't know basic CPR/life saving techniques, or the fact that it took too damn long for the ambulance to arrive.

However, this is a strong reminder of why we need more Black folks in medicine. The "doctor"/PhD and I disagreed on whether or not the patient was cyanotic because cyanosis looks DIFFERENT in people of color than in white folks. This is also how I caught the fact that my daughter was jaundice at birth, a fact missed by both my Ob/Gyn and the Peditrician. It also isn't lost on me that perhaps a reason no one came to help the woman was because it was assumed she was a drunk black woman, hanging out at an engineering camp for girls. (yeah, I'm being sarcastic here).

Due in large part to this situation, whatever hesitation I had about my path to med school is probably permanently squashed. And while I have NO illusions about going into ER medicine ( I peed catecholamines for 5 hours straight afterwards), I do feel more compelled than ever to be a Clinician of one sort or another overing becoming a Pathologist.

Busy, busy, BUSY!!!

2011-06-29T13:55:00.007-04:00

Very brief update today, these days mainly doing family stuff while trying to balance a "flare up" of my GI situation which will from this point forward be referred to as flares, LOL. The say medical types can be the MOST noncompliant folks ever and this is at the heart of why I'm dealing with "flares" right now. So I have my daily meds reminder now programmed into my blackberry to decrease having this problem again in the near future.

This week my life has/is pretty much the following, take kid to engineering camp at local university, study for MCAT, interview for employment (gigs, not jobs :( ), and study for the MCAT. Speaking of the MCAT, I've taken this week to do science review which pretty much just boils down to Chemistry as my entire study "schedule" has been shot to hell and back now! But my verbal is tight, as in I don't score below an "11" tight, so I still feel pretty good. My review also reminds me of how my 2 summers in med school were nothing but repetition and repetition and repetition, but repetition of things I LOVED learning about. So having been so academically "high", it's a struggle to have to know "trivial stuff" like what changes, protons, neutron, or electrons, when a element forms an isotope?? URGH, but I'm kinda getting a kick out of doing this since this is exactly what I'll be expected to do in med school (repeat that is) and practice makes perfect!

Okay, gotta get back to the books, have a great and safe holiday weekend!

Epiphany on the beach

2011-06-20T14:18:00.018-04:00

From Thursday to Sunday I was on Myrtle Beach, having the best time I'd had in a VERY long time! It was somewhat of "girl's weekend out" in that along with my daughter, I went with my Sister/Best Friend, her 2 nieces, and her oldest niece's best friend. It was Senior Week for my sister's niece who along with her BFF, had just finished high school and yes, it was CRAZY with young people! But so full of life and energy!!

Anyway, we had a suite right on the water where I took the above pic, and NOW I understand the fascination people have with the beach. Sure, I've been to the beach more times than I could count in my lifetime, but I had never actually stayed on the beach. Truth be told, it had never occurred to me to stay on the beach since in my adulthood, I'd never been a fan of the beach (like many other Black women, I have that "hair thing" going, LOL!!) But I enjoyed myself so much, I'm already planning my next trip for later this summer.

So I got up every moring to the sound of waves crashing at the shore (we left the door to the patio wide open), then laced up my sneeks for my morning speed walk. The last night we were there, I got up at 4 AM and let's just say it's REAL interesting the things that go on on a quite, somewhat dark beach, LOL!!! I decided not to go walking since it was still kinda dark, but I really enjoyed the hour or so I spent just relaxing on the balcony, watching the water roll in, and thinking about my life over the past few months.

Since I resigned from my position earlier this Spring, which was followed by my "new job" moving to Ohio, I've been thinking a LOT about the kinds of environments I work best in, as well as the things I need to improve upon, and I feel like I had yet another epiphany in this regard over the weekend. While I've had a tremendous amount of success as a Scientist, I realized that to have the kind of success I think I've earned in the future, I'll have to significantly change who I am as a person. What do I mean? I'm the kinda person who after running a successful gel after 100 times of trying, will spike the ball in the end zone so to speak to celebrate my success. The problem is that the majority of the Scientists I know have little that resembles a personality, so this type of "celebration" would be and is highly frowned upon. So I learned early on to adapt my personality to survive in other words, have far LESS personality. Now I'm realizing that in addition to that, I need to NOT work for certain types of women and since it's hard to know the type of person a woman is going in, I need to do my absolute best to avoid a woman boss altogether. As many people know, women are entering the science fields in numbers larger than men at some graduate programs, so avoiding having a woman boss, is getting harder and harder to do. And while I'm okay being a less vibrant person in the lab, I'm NOT willing to go out of my way to make working with certain kinds of women a success at this point. As an example, if there's a woman in the group with a very strong personality (which some others usually call a bitch), SHE is the one I tend to get along great with (birds of a feather flock together, LOL??) And by "bitch" I mean, she expects/demands perfection from her work and can get real snippy when things aren't going well in the lab. She's highly educated and VERY secure, which comes across to some as arrogant. And she and I tend to be peas in a pod, LOL!!! The kinds of women I need to avoid are those who are insecure, lack self-confidence and who likely got ahead due to their connections, sleeping with their bosses (yes I had one like that in the past 5 years), and all those other no work/skill related reasons some women tend to ahead. Worse, she's usually a dumb ass, she knows it, and is intimidated by ANY woman who's smarter than she is. She is also usually less attractive due in large part to the fact that she never wears make-up and tends not to care much about her appearance (one 10 year Vet I worked with had a couple broken/crooked teeth). Now it's understandable to me that mentioning things like make-up and teeth seems crass in a convo about careers, but women like this are out there making life hell for ANY woman who's the opposite of them. And THESE are the women I'm going to avoid at all costs at THIS point in my career because over the past 5 years, I've simply had enough of them!!!

So what's my epiphany? My epiphany is that as long as I work as a Scientist alone, I'll never be truly happy because I have to change too much of who I am in order to be successful, especially as it relates to working with certain kinds of women. I also realized that I would be doing myself a HUGE diservice staying in a field long term that offers very little contact with people outside of the folks I work with, because I am and will always be a "people person". So that means I'm probably 50/50 on staying in pathology, though I know Paths that see patients. And if I stay committed to the field, I'll VERY likely be one of those does procedures like core biopsies of women's breasts or thyroid biopsies (which was the worst experience for me ever!).

At any rate, I'm VERY happy with my life these days and will likely have some VERY promising job news to share real soon!

Princess MD

2011-06-16T06:44:00.008-04:00

From my early days as a premed, one thing has always been crystal clear and that is people will say whatever they need to say, ie LIE, to get what they want. And I'm not saying that every premed lies their way into medical school, but as time has gone on it sure does seem that not only are people not ashamed of lying their way to "success", there seems to be the air of expectation that such behavior is normal.

Case in point, the recent NYT article by an Anesthesiologist who posits that women doctors are essentially ruining the practice of medicine with their decisions to 1) Work part-time and/or 2) Quit. While I agree that certain specialties in medicine should NOT allow for part-time practice, like surgical subspecialities, I do believe certain other Docs, like Internists, should allow for part-time work options. Now it appears that part-time work for the average Doc is somewhere around 30-40 hours, which seems like a decent amount of time to keep one's skills up.

Not surprisingly, when I posted my response to this article on the largest site for women MD's, premed, med students, I was a woman alone (suprise, suprise). And in the almost 10 years I've been a member of that site, I've regularly disagreed with many of the women on that site for reasons which boil down to one thing IMHO. When I ceased being Miss RHS in 1984, I stopped "wearing a tiara" on my head and became a "real" woman, LOL!!!! But apparently theirs are and will forever be glued to their heads.

I totally "get" that because of my career success as a Scientist and my husband's as a company CEO/Engineer, our kids our going to grow up with a different sense of what they can and can't achieve in the world than if we were in a different socioeconomic level. But despite the fact that we have a Black president (who claims his blackness, there were a few who didn't) for the "first" time in the history of the US, I know that because our kids are Black they'll, NEVER be able to take anything we can provide them for granted. Unfortunately, many women particularly those who grew up with 1 or 2 parents as Docs, didn't get that memo.

One of the things I've learned on that site (which is ironic because a woman of color owns it) and others like it, is that it's okay to talk about "Black privilege" AKA affirmative action, but that if you want to see a collective group of panties bunch up in the crevices of a LOT of butts, try talking about white, female privilege. IMHO, neither men or women of color could "get away" with what these women are doing to medicine in great numbers, without serious professional consequences. And when you have a collective group of women who feel they can sashay in and out of medicine for frivolous reasons, you see this privilege in all it's shinning glory. Now for clarity, I'm NOT talking about women who have special needs children, sick family members to take care of, or anything related to things OUT of our control, and the fact that I even had to clarify that on that site, is indicative of just how pathetic some people can be when they feel their toes being stepped on. I'm talking about the woman who wants 3 or more kids IN DIAPERS, and who expects to complete a residency in OB/GYN with NO issues or special accommodations. So many times I want to say "do you people believe/practice birth control"?, 'cause when Shenanae with her 3 kids, who serves the fries at the local Mickey D' starts to complain about her job, that's what these people would suggest to HER. Now why IS that?

Many times, I've been told that I'm anti-women which is probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard considering I have 2 X chromosomes too. I'm VERY much pro woman, but anti- selfish, self-certered, the world revolves around me witch, because I'm old enough to know what many of those privileged folks don't know and that is in work place settings, we're ALL judged by the actions of people who look JUST LIKE US!!!! It's clear to me, that as long as these "Princess MD's" are getting what THEY want, they couldn't care less of a damn about the rest of us, they've got theirs. That's why when I met with one of the deans of a local med school for a chit chat a couple years ago, I agreed with him 100% that med schools should admit FEWER women. I mean really, do you think ANY of these women indicated in their interview their desire to quit medicine after they had 2 kids and couldn't "handle it"?? And please spare me the they didn't know how mother hood would affect them speech, that's weak, crass, and complete BS!!!! So you're smart enough to get into med school, but can't anticipate that motherhood can be unpredictable and challenging? Yeah right!

And that's what this is really all about to me, having some honesty and integrity when you're interviewing for med school, residency, and beyond instead of just flat out lying about your "commitment" to medicine. Because while you're off laying on a beach somewhere during your "break" from medicine on your husband's dime, there's a single Mom/Dad attending working their ass off who could really use a break.

Small reminder of the task at hand

2011-06-12T21:50:00.004-04:00

For my graduation, my Dr. sister/best friend gave me the gift in the photo, in one of my favorite colors.

Nothing like a constant stream of motivation to stay focused on the task at hand!

Okay, I'm not mad at Physics anymore :) !!!

2011-06-11T14:38:00.003-04:00

If you've followed my blog over the years, you may recall that the first chapter in my Physics review has ALWAYS been the bane of my MCAT prep. Now finally, after a couple weeks of reviewing just that one chapter, I'm finally doing well enough to move on the other things, after having to put everything but verbal aside to get through this chapter successfully.

Jobwise, I've been everything from laughing so hard my sides hurt to made as hell angry as I've had to think about how the job market is going to hell in a hand basket courtesy of the recession (depression). Case in point, I was offered a job in NC doing histology at an "intermediate" level which required a 50K DROP in pay!! Yep, you read that right, this one company offered me a salary for a job that required both a degree AND experience that pays a salary I haven't made in many years!! TO DO SCIENTIFIC WORK!!! URGH!!! Luckily for me, the options in Metro DC are better salary wise, but the idea that so many employers expect something but want to pay peanuts, is more than pissing me off royally!

Most disappointing for me career wise is that I haven't been able to secure another fellowship doing either cancer research and/or bioinformatics, but I'm gonna hang in there because the fact is that I picked the absolute worst time of year to be looking given all the new graduates in the system over the past few months. But I'm quite hopeful that by September when the dust settles, something will come through.

I also received a letter from the admissions office of that southern DO school I mentioned in a previous post and while I wish I could make that happen this year, I know that this year wouldn't work from a family perspective. Plus I really need to finish what I've already started in Bioinformatics first and not get back into the habit of starting programs and not following through and finishing them.

%&*^ Physics!!!!

2011-06-05T19:05:00.003-04:00

Please fill in the above with the appropropriate 4 letter word.

Thank you and that is all for this post!

Gigs, Jobs, and Careers

2011-06-03T12:42:00.017-04:00

It was an entrepreneurial female cousin of mine that broke down for me the difference between a gig, a job, and a career. A gig is something you're skilled in, but you take only when it's absolutely necessarily. Your enjoyment level of said gig is best qualified as "meh". Gigs I've had in the past include working at the mall, grocery store, and at fast food joints. Today, a gig for me would be employment as a Histologist, and so far, that's primarily all I'm interviewing for these days (and I'm NOT complaining). And here's a perfectly good example of where having ADD (aka a lot of professional "variety") of the career has been a VERY good thing!! A job for me would be being employed as a Scientist because while I've thoroughly enjoyed the majority of the Scientist jobs I've had, it's not what I've always wanted to do, the thing I could do well no matter how tired I am, or how crazy I felt my family life had driven me (DON'T ask, LOL!!). The very good thing about jobs is that they tend to pay well, with good benefits, so folks tend to be satisfied with having one and stay there until retirement. Or as I like to say, MANY folks "settle" here for reasons which are especially obvious in a recession. Then there's a career which is obviously how I see medical school and residency. And when I think about med school, I think about the 2 summers I spent attending a local med school, taking classes with med students and how exhausting yet exhilarating it all was!! And it's these memories of having 21 lectures on ONE test for example, that keeping me plugging away at my goal!

Speaking of goals, I've thought a TON about Mi's question to me and one the thought I've had a lot is the "what if" conversation in my head. For example, what if I applied to the post bacc biomed program of the DO school that has recruited me every time I've taken the MCAT (the past 10 years), boosted by the positive feedback I received from them this past Tuesday? Of course, their question to me was like Mi's, "why don't you apply this year", and my response is the same, "I ain't ready" this year. But a few classes taken part-time with med students might be something I could seriously consider if the opportunity presented itself but realistically speaking, it's VERY late to try to get accepted for this Fall. However, if I applied and were accepted, I could start in the Spring of 2012 if a seat came up.

The question now becomes is the fact that this school just happens to be located in one of the 2 cities my family has narrowed down our relocation to, just a coincidence????? Things that make you go Hmmmmmmm.

Moving on to the MCAT, I didn't get much done this week science wise though I did do well with what I did get through, but my verbal is still looking VERY good, "9's" on the EK exams, and "11's" on the AMCAS exams. I'd also always heard that generally speaking, you can add 2 points to your EK exam for a measure of how you'd do on the real thing, and I'm consistently finding this to be true. But as far as my overall studying goes, I was feeling a little burnt out again, so I'm not beating myself up about the fact that I took it easy study wise this week since I can't learn a thing when my mind isn't "right". But I plan to make up some ground this weekend, so I'll be all good by Monday!!! :)

"If you are taking the MCAT this summer, why don't you apply this cycle? You never know God's plan may just be that.."

2011-05-30T14:34:00.008-04:00

Hopefully, Mi doesn't mind me using her comment as the title of my new post. But this is certainly a question I've had to really think about over the past couple months.

The short answer is as of now, I'm not prepared to apply this cycle. That said, I'm going to keep my options open for applying to med school this year for obvious reasons, I want to be a Doctor. Complicating things somewhat is the fact that my family is seriously considering moving BACK down South this summer, yeah I know, that same "South" I've said many times I'd NEVER return too, LOL!!! So I'll need to see how things fall into place over the next couple months since this will be a major change for all of us, most especially my 9th grade daughter.

Moving on to MCAT studying, I'm almost done with the EK verbal book, scoring "9's" on the most recent 2 chapters. EK questions are much harder than the actual MCAT verbal passages, so while I'd like that score to be higher, I'm not all that upset with where I am right now. I've also added the first chapter of Physics to my schedule and so far, so good. But I haven't finished Chemistry, so I'm going to have to really get to work to make sure I stay on schedule to be ready by August 16, 2011.

Speaking of schedule, what I've realized is that students prepping for this test should understand that a schedule that works for one person, may not work for someone else. And folks should always be open to changing things up a bit to accommodate your study needs. Again, I find it much more challenging to study for the exam because I haven't had the classes necessary to sit for the exam in over 20 years, but I would have been bored to death retaking many of these classes (plus I realized I really didn't need to after trying an online chem class through MIT).

Another epiphany of sorts I'm having is about becoming a Doc that regularly sees patients and I think a lot of my shift in career thinking has to do with the empty nest I'll have by the time residency rolls around. Areas I like and may have mentioned before include Geriatric Oncology, Preventative medicine/Epidemiology, Neurology, and of course Pathology. And in thinking of moving back down South, I also think about how much I would enjoy being a country Doc, the kind that makes house calls to elderly patients. Or a Doc at a health clinic for the poor. Of course, the potential problem I see in these fields is a HIGH amount of patient noncompliance. And I'm not sure how well I would react to that in the sense of thinking it would burn me out mentally to regularly see people literally and slowly killing themselves because they won't take care of themselves/follow doctors orders. In other words, how much can I "help" a person who won't "help" themselves?

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about what the future holds because it's always pretty damn interesting, whatever happens!!

God's plan and YOUR plan?

2011-05-26T22:55:00.013-04:00

If I had to characterize my life so far, I'd say that my plan and God's plan, which I think is what your life ends up being, haven't always been on the same "page". Now don't get me wrong, I don't have ANY regrets about anything in my life but there are certainly a few things I would do differently if I could.

These days I'm much more contemplative than usual thinking about why a new, local cancer research fellowship opportunity hasn't come through yet (although a couple opportunities are available if I'm willing to move), then 2 things occur to me: 1) This is probably the worse time of year to be looking for one considering the fact that many of these positions were likely filled last year and 2) Maybe this isn't what God wants me to do right now.

You know when I really, really think about it, doing another fellowship seems like yet another subconscious attempt to find something to do other than med school. And I think the reason it hasn't worked out the way I want it to is because I don't need ANY "get a PhD instead" distractions to getting into med school, especially not now when my MCAT studying is going so well. At least, that kinda makes sense to me, LOL!! And the reality is that working in ANY other type of environment would NEVER be satisfying for me long term and would serve as a constant reminder that I'm counting down to entering med school in the Fall of 2013.

Which brings me to the fact that I'm being pretty heavily recruited my Big Pharma companies despite the fact that I'm not actively looking. At least I wasn't until a few days ago, and I've been interviewing ever since. Normally, that would be a good thing because I think I need a little more to do (and I almost can't believe I said that!! :)). And no I'm not talking about anytime soon, but certainly by July 1, I'm gonna need more to do! So I'm looking at a few positions and NONE in management. EVER AGAIN!!! And not surprisingly, I'm kinda restricting myself to work in oncology/cancer.

So, I guess I'm not sure if it's a good thing because it's not my number one choice for what I want in my life right now, and that's okay because I'm learning that things like this aren't a coincidence. And a count down to starting med school while making great money is as good a plan as any!!!

Ho' Hum!

2011-05-23T23:11:00.003-04:00

Nothing much to report for this week, other than I've started going through a few of the chemistry lectures from this site run by MIT which has free online coureses in hundreds of areas including premed courses:

http://ocw.mit.edu/index.htm

For whatever reason, acid/base chemistry just isn't "sticking" consistently and given how critical this subject is to understanding physiology, I figured I'll get it "down pat" NOW, then only have to review later! I'm also pretty sure I'll have to go through a few of the Physics lectures too!

The goal now is to finish (again, LOL) the TBR Chemistry 1 Book by the end of the week! And I'm gonna have to get moving with my studying, 'cause time is flying by!

NO maternal support, part 2

2011-05-18T14:59:00.000-04:00

Well to be quite honest, I've been dealing with this lack of support thing from my Mom since I flunked out of college in '87. And right now, I'm not all that comfortable providing too many details about the situation, suffice it to say that I'll just have to work a little harder to tune out her opinion than I have in the past. And that unfortunately, our relationship will very likely NEVER be the same now that I'm crystal clear about where my academic goals stand with her.

Moving on, my MCAT prep is at all time high, and again to sound like a broken record, fine tuning my verbal strategies has been critical to my success in both Bio and Chem. I've also realized that many of the Bio questions are answered from the info in the passage so if you don't do things like intrepret info from graphs well, you're gonna be toast. In the past, I'd been relying on my knowledge base to get me through and that was some what of a mistake given my gaols of scoring 10+. Sure knowing things like where in the krebs cycle NADH is produced is helpful, but not if you're not also able to answer questions like how changes in the pH of the inner mitochondrial membrane can affect it's function. THESE are the types of questions I hadn't focused as much on in the past but because of my decision recently to focus on verbal FIRST in my MCAT prep, I've been able to address comprehension/application type questions and score well on ALL my practice tests lately.

And here's an embarassing fact. The AMCAS exam 1 is the SAME exam I took in 1991 and scored ~17 on (or was it a "15")? I'd been partying VERY late the night before (stupid) and obviously didn't prepare well before the exam. So far, I'm acing this exam and while I'm aware I can't count this as a legitimate "score" and this is the easiest of all the AMCAS exams, it's telling to me and indicative of my improvement that I've aced everyting except the PS section which I didn't take yet, and my score is 11+ in both the verbal and BS. The last time I took this exam in 2002, my score was an overall "26". In other words, I've only completed the verbal and bio section (which I haven't even completed preparing for yet) and already I've scored much higher than I did on the real thing. D*&N!!!!

At any rate, while the "score" isn't "real" the improvement IS real, and that's my PRIMARY concern these days!!!

Congrats! You're getting 80% of the MCAT questions correct!!!

2011-05-17T15:25:00.001-04:00

Of course the only problem is that 80% equates to score of "11" and that's where I am now in both verbal and Bio. I'm at a "13" in my chemistry prep, so all my hard work is definitely paying off. Yep, this prep is going better than it ever has and now looking back, I can so easily see where my previous attempts at studying between 2003-2007 were a complete joke. A joke, which is reflective somewhat in my score which was in the acceptable range for some lower ranked MD and DO schools, but not acceptable enough for me. Plus I'm reminded of the problems folks in the mid-20's MCAT score range occasionally have passing the boards. Yeah I know, passing the boards is about a lot more than MCAT scores, but I'm trying to stack this thing in my favor now so I'll only be fine tuning my skills along the way.

The problem is that most nontrads don't have the luxury of being able to focus ONLY on the MCAT because our lives are much too complicated for that. But given how well I'm doing, I'd have to advise other nontrads to NOT work for at least a couple months so that you'll have one less thing of the 100 other things nontrads have to focus on at a time. Especially if the thing removed from your "plate" is a stressful job!

Man, I'm so very thankful for a supportive family right about now! :)

Edit: Everyone is supportive EXCEPT my mother, which comes as NO suprise. Details later.

I'm so irritated............

2011-05-13T15:38:00.000-04:00

with the up and down roller coaster of working on verbal questions and I feel the way my "middle child" in the photo looks. I took a "half" exam and got a "5" earlier in the week, as in a F-I-V-E!!!! And none of the work I did in Ct.3 Bio fared much better with a score of "7".

So when I get in ruts like these, I know that's my clue to slow it down some and relax, so that's what I did....well, kinda. I did relax a little but I did NOT stop doing practice problems, instead I threw out my most recent strategy and set about to get yet another one. Now, I'm back to NOT reading the questions first choosing instead to write a 1 sentence summary of each paragraph's main idea as I go along. Main idea, I hadn't been "getting it" very well and that's the most critical thing to determine when doing these questions, at least I think so. I'm also still not underlining sentences in the passages, only circling "usual" words or words used in a context different from their actual meaning. And like before, tuning out what I know about a particular subject and focusing on what the author is saying is still difficult, but it's getting much better.

Better to the tune of scores of "7", "8", and today a "10". Not only that, I'm only missing one problem in most of the passages I do, however there's still one or two problems where I'll only get 2 or 3 right and that's keeping me from having a killer practice score. URGH!!!

Anyhoo, this is what I'll be working on all weekend in addition to reviewing my college Bio book, covering the material in Ct3 of my EK book.

A bad case of boredom!

2011-05-12T09:50:00.000-04:00

My mother, the avid reader in my family, always says that anyone who gets bored is an idiot because one can always pick up a book and read it. Well I guess I'm a BIG idiot because I'm feeling pretty bored these days with ONLY having to study for the MCAT and take 2 classes (well, 1.5 classes since I only look over the Bioinformatics stuff every now and then). I guess I'm so used to burning the candle on 3 ends pun intended, that I almost don't know how to act when I have a "normal" schedule. And it hasn't helped that I had a one and a half week long flare up of my GI condition combined with PMS. Yeah, I've been pretty much a mess (and a witch) for the past week or so, LOL!!!

Jobwise or should I say fellowshi pwise, things are looking very good with the exception of that fact that the soonest I could start an off campus NCI sponsored fellowship in my new grad program is August 2011. So I'm looking at returning to the NCI (on campus) as a fellow since it pays a LOT more and offers more opportunities to do the kind of research I really want to do. At this point, I've narrowed that specificity of the kind of research I want to do to breast cancer, since I've learned the hard way that not keeping an open mind project wise is a great idea. I figure I'll have my time as a post doc to really focus on cancer health disparities research should it come to that.

MCAT news isn't as promising as I'd like it to be, I ended up with a "6" and "7" in the next chapters of the EK 101 problems book, so I started from scratch, retooling my strategy to approaching these problems and so far the results are the best yet, I scored a "13" on the AMCAS MCAT exam 1. Now this exam is known for being the easiest of all the ones available to take, but it's still an ego boost to me. When I consider the fact that I kept records of how I scored when I took this same exam 3 or 4 years ago, the improvement is pretty significant, an increase by 5 points.

So how did I change my verbal strategies? I went back to the EK verbal prep book which focuses on the question stems pretty significantly and being able to answer the questions without reading the passages. I also do NOT highlight ANYTHING in the passage as I'm reading because I realized that I rarely go back to what I highlighted in the passages looking for answers to the questions. I've also started reading the questions before the passage again, this time with an eye for figuring out what the question stem is asking for. Of course, it's still hard for me to tune out whatever I may know about the subject and focus on the question, but I'm pretty determined to get this worked put by August. A "13" is a pretty good start, I'm just hoping I can keep it up!

Who ya' gonna call?

2011-05-04T17:30:00.000-04:00

Okay I couldn't think of a title, so I figured a line from the 1980's song Ghostbusters was as good as any!

Research wise, there's not much I can report on these days for "political" reasons, but I did have great meetings with some of the faculty today in my future department. I also had to really think about whether or not I'm ready to leave the lab type work behind and the answer so far is a resounding "HELL YEAH"!!!!!! Tomorrow I go back on campus to attend a lecture on Translational Informatics and network, so that'll be fun!!

MCAT wise, I'm FINALLY up to scoring "9's" in the verbal section and I'm so happy about it! I'm almost half-way through the EK verbal problems book and I'm getting concerned that I may run out of problems to do. NOT!!! I'm not doing anything new in General Chemistry other than what I mentioned before and I'm finishing up the second chapter in the EK Biology book as well. So overall, things are still moving well with my MCAT prep!

Change to MCAT study schedule take 13, LOL!!!!

2011-05-01T18:57:00.000-04:00

These days, I feel like my life is one big epiphany after another!!!

It occurred to me earlier this past week that having a study schedule like the one I first posted is a pretty dumb idea because for me, I have definitive strengths that don't require the same effort study wise as my weak areas and definitive weaknesses that require treating my study like I'm taking the class for credit. Case in point, my biology review has only required only giving a once over at the review materials in the EK biology book then diving right into the problems in the 1001 Biology Question book. OTOH, my Chemistry review has required that I regularly go through related chapters in the Chemistry book I used as an undergrad Chemistry major. And I suspect Physics will be the same as Chemistry, with my Organic review a little of which I've already completed, being a lot like my Biology review.

The really great news in all this is that I'm very pleased with my improvement in all the study areas, again owing this change in my performance to my approach to the questions/answers. For verbal, changing a test taking strategy I'd had for most of my life has been quite a chore (that is, NOT reading the answer choices before reading the passage), and while progress has been slow, it's also been quite steady in this area, from 7to 8. OTOH, I approach my science passages in the exact opposite way that is, I actually answer some of the questions BEFORE I read the passages, finding again that the right answer can often be gained by the info presented in the question itself (I hope that makes sense). I've also noticed that the strategy of reading science questions like verbal is paying off BIG time too, with my scores in Bio ranging from 11-13 regularly with very little review!

In the end, I think what nontraditional students preparing for the MCAT have to understand is that a rigid study schedule like the ones you see suggested by those test taking companies aren't very helpful to someone who hasn't seen this material in the classroom in 10+ years. In other words, you can NOT just say I'm going to cover Orgo chapter 7 in one week because you may finish your review in more or less time, and will likely need more time depending on how you did when you took the class and how long it's been since you've seen the material. So now, I'm just taking it as it comes, still starting off with the 1001 practice questions because that tells me where my strengths and weaknesses area, then tailoring my review for that week based on how I did on those questions.

Chemistry for a Chemist is easy?

2011-04-25T12:52:00.001-04:00

Umm, not really at least it wasn't at first. Funny those "chemistry insecurities" I used to have as a Freshman in college crept up on me like arthritis in my knees, and it's been quite a chore to purge those thoughts and get back to the Chemistry major and tutor/teacher I used to be.

So I ordered the solutions manual to my old Petrucci general chemistry book a few weeks back,and it's be "on and popping" every since!

The MCAT study plan, which has changed again (LOL), is now to focus on general chemistry over the next 3 weeks, and throw in some verbal and biology in the mix as well. I'll still do those 3 millions practice problems I outlined previously, I've just had to replace some of that practice with review from my chemistry book.And so far so good!

I should also mention that the chemistry review is where I have my first criticisms of the TBR materials. The chapter on equilibrium in the first book really should have been proceeded by the chapter on kinetics which is located in the second book. So I'm reviewing both of these 2 chapters this week for continuity.

Verbal strategies part deux

2011-04-21T07:58:00.000-04:00

These days my verbal scores are improving and are pretty consistent. I ended up with an "8" in the first chapter of the EK 101 verbal passages books and here's what's been most interesting about my studies. I purchased these books back in 2004 and over the years as I've prepared for the MCAT and taken the exam (and NOT taken the exam), I've kept track of my progress in a notebook. What I've found to be amazingly interesting is that in a lot of cases, I'm missing THE SAME questions I missed in 2004, 2005, 2006, and 2007. THE EXACT SAME QUESTIONS which means for all the "studying" I claimed to be doing for the MCAT in verbal over the years, I was really just wasting time since I didn't improve significantly. And it was this knowledge that was the impetus for completely restrategizing (is that a word ??) my approach to verbal passages.

So what have I done? First, I no longer read the questions first EVER, because I find myself reading the passage in the context of the questions instead of the other way around. I also take notes in the margins of the passages to keep me from having to reread the them. I also ask myself what type of questions are on the test (via TPR) since that does help me to know what type of answer I should be looking for. What I found when I did last take the MCAT is that the EK 101 books are far more difficult than the actual exam but then things could have changed since 2007 or 2008 which was the last time I took the exam.

On to other things, I'm in the process of setting up a meeting with a PI who's known in the area as the 10 million dollar man because he has a million dollar "portfolio" of R01 grants. And obviously this is HUGE for my predoctoral studies and beyond. This PI is also on the adcom of said university and does bioinformatics and health disparities research, so this really could be a big deal in my career right now. So what's the downside? I hear he can be a beast to work for but what "10 million dollar man" isn't'? I've actually worked with him before when I was at the NCI doing Genetic/Cancer Epidemiology but considering I was far down the totem pole in terms of rank, he probably doesn't remember me at all. At any rate, I'm definitely going to give this a shot!!

The only other thing going on in my life right now is that my kid is out for Spring Break so I've kinda been chillin' at home with her (no Java programming of Bioinfo this week, just MCAT stuff). I figure this is probably the LAST opportunity where I'm going to have this kinda time for a VERY long while, so I may as well enjoy it!

Verbal challenges!

2011-04-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

So I spent most of this past week reviewing verbal strategies so much so, that I've completed 6 of the 11 chapters in the TPR book. And my approach this time was to as best I could, blank my mind of everything I'd ever learned about doing these types of problems and start fresh.

Initially, the results were pretty bad in 5-6 score range, but over the past 2 days, I've improved significantly to the 10-11 range. But as strategies go, I have mixed feelings about what was taught in TPR, finding a good amount of it to be a waste of time. The strategy I'm finding most useful is to always remind myself to erase whatever knowledge I may have about the passage out of my mind and to VERY closely determine what each question is asking. Along these same lines, I'm also focusing on how I determine which of the answer choices is correct and contrary to popular teaching methods, I'm not focusing as much on recognizing extreme words as much as I'm focusing on the context those extreme words are used. In other words, just because I see extreme words, doesn't mean that answer choice can't be the right answer.

As anyone who has taken the MCAT knows, changing the verbal score is the most difficult and having taken a class in neuropharmacology, I know exactly why ( rewiring your brain to think differently is quite a task). However, I KNOW without a doubt how critical it is for me to do whatever is necessary NOW to get this in order since it will not only help my MCAT score in other areas where I'm seeing good improvement, but down the road as well for all 3 of the STEPS and beyond.

Speaking of other areas, I also started my Bio review beginning with chapter 6 (don't ask me why in the middle of the book), and my scores were very good in the 11-13 range. Again, my performance was enhanced by the verbal review I did earlier in the week and I'm finding that with time, my complaints about always being able to narrow my answer choices down to 2 yet choosing the wrong one, will soon come to an end!

Finally, I heard back from a PI regarding a Bioinformatics gig and when she returns from vacation in 2 weeks, I'll have set up a gig at the school where I'll be pursuing graduate study in Bioinformatics this Fall. Of course, this is going to involve a HUGE change in salary but as I've seen so many times in my life, money doesn't always equate to happiness!!

August 18, 2011 @ 1:00 PM

2011-04-09T20:35:00.000-04:00

My date with MCAT destiny! :)

Okay, so I took the bait........well, sort of..........

2011-04-07T19:41:00.000-04:00

So this past Thursday, I was unofficially accepted to an MS program in Bioinformatics beginning in the fall of 2011, so if I don't find a gig by then, that's what I'll be doing. And if I do find a gig, I'll do this program part-time. However, while in the program, I'll be following the same track as the PhD students (I only need 12 credits for the degree), sit for the first part of my PhD oral exams in the Spring of 2012, and will have the opportunity to take 2 more courses in the med school curriculum if I choose. Ironically, it turns our that the director of this track taught one section of the medical school biochem course that I just happened to do extremely well in. So I wasn't all that surprised he remembered me, but was VERY surprised that his first question to me was "Aren't you supposed to be in Residency by now"?. Gee, thanks for reminding me that I've been in quick sand for the past 5 years, LOL!! So the idea of starting med school as a PhD candidate is gonna be too much for me to pass over!

This new plan of course, changes a few things in my life, the first of which is that now my primary academic focus will be to get through my MCAT prep, which in hindsight would have been impossible to do before August 2012 given my schedule (and I don't know why it's so hard for me to see these things ahead of time!). I'm still going through my Java programming course (what fun!), but I've put the bioinformatics course on the back burner since it's at a different school and won't help me prep for this school's oral exams. I haven't eliminated it completely because I really like it and more importantly, may need those skills should I find a Bioinfo job soon.

On Thursday, I also met with one of the deans of a local med school whom I've known for years to let her know that my app would be forth coming this year if all goes well and at the latest summer of 2012. Most importantly, I'm STILL very interested and committed to the MD/PhD program and to quote one of my late 30 something MD/PhD mentors, "if you had tuned out all the naysayers and just went for it 5 years ago, you'd be half way through the program by now"! Yeah, tell me about it and it's this revelation that has me more committed than ever! Because when it comes to "naysayers", I've heard EVERY reason why I shouldn't pursue the MD/PhD for my entire career, the ONLY thing that has changed are the "excuses" people give me for why I shouldn't it do it. When I was in my early to mid 20's it was "you'll have a hard time balancing that with family issues which you'll be thinking a lot about as a 30 something med student/resident". Then when I got married in my late 20's, it was "that's a long haul and you'll be taking your family through a lot". Then in my mid 30's the "tactic" switched to my age, "you'll be in your mid 40s by the time you finish". Well $hit, I'm in my mid 40's NOW and I'd rather be an MD/PhD in my mid 40's NOW than a wannabe!!! And these days, I'm REALLY hearing the "age" excuse, "you'll be in your early 50's before you're done with your training".

So now I'm thinking, ALL of you "naysayers" can kiss where the sun don't shine, I'm going to go for it because it's clear "they" will ALAWYS be on the sidelines talking smack about why I shouldn't do it!!!!! And while they're talking, I'll be moving on with my life.... PhD2, MS1-2, PhD3-4, MS3-4, then

Path201X MD,PhD!!!!!

Happy Friday!

2011-04-01T20:03:00.000-04:00

So today began with some not so great news when I learned that one of my cancer health disparity contacts didn't have any openings with his group and just as I was starting to feel a little sad about it, I was contacted by a PI he works with not only about a gig with his group but about my long term goals as well. Then he preceded to tell me that I could apply to his department's PhD program (in Biochemistry) with my MCAT scores, start the program with advanced standing, AND concentrate my studies in Bioinformatics!

Okay, don't worry I didn't take the "bait" as far as the PhD is concerned and I ain't gonna lie, the idea of possibly having to study for a PChem exam as required for the Chem department just about flared up my "GI condition", LOL!! Anyway, I may do my cert in Bioinformatics at this school instead of schelping to Baltimore every other day but if I don't find the "right" gig by August of this year, I just may sashay myself into the MS program in Bioinformatics at this school since; 1) It will be free courtesy of the NCI and 2) Will come with a built in internship since it's proving to be quite a chore to get that first gig in a new field (even with my experience and contacts).

Finally, the pic above is me at a health fair in Baltimore this past Wednesday. Turns out Wednesday was an all day Komen affair for me!!!

Focus, focus, FOCUS!!!!!!

2011-03-31T21:01:00.000-04:00

So I've decided definitively to NOT pursue the PhD program at this time and to stick to my original plan of 2 courses, while studying for the MCAT between now and August, and to take the MCAT in the late summer/early Fall depending on when I return to work full-time. Workwise, I'm still focusing on opportunities in Bioinformatics or Computational Chemistry so I can learn as much as I can before I formally begin the part-time Cert program In August.

You know I'm so like a "kite", flying all over the place, but I'm so blessed to have an "anchor" to keep me on task!

Tales from the 'hood

2011-03-30T18:46:00.000-04:00

So today I had 2 breast awareness presentations and the first one was in a neighborhood a LOT like the one I grew up in, primarily working class folks with a sprinkle of Docs/Principals/Attorneys and welfare folks/thugs mixed in. Having grown up in this kind of environment, I know how to put my "hood face" on which despite my appearance and the car I drive, allows me to blend in. And for me, it was like a time warp, this high school, which was probably %99.999 Black, looked, felt, smelled exactly like the one I graduated from 27 years ago. Anyway, I did my presentation and what would have been surprising to many on the outside but was exactly what I expected, the students were engaged, manerable, inquisitive, and very bright.

But when I left I almost cried when I realized that this school is probably EXACTLY the way it was when I graduated in 1984. In other words for so many Black kids, the 'hood is a never ending cycle of untapped and unacknowledged talent that will remain that way for the rest of their lives. I then thought about how my own daughters education, in the best public school district in the US, is eons ahead of this school, yet we expect kids from this school to score as well as my kid on the SAT? Exactly how da' hell is THAT supposed to happen? This school had resources that had to be at least 20 years old and this was a charter school! And if I hadn't brought my laptop with me, my presentation would have been null and void because there was only a projector available for me to do my presentation from ( and when was the last time anyone has seen a projector?)

Okay, Imma get off my soapbox now but I know one day we as a country are going to regret that we allowed so many of "our" kids fall through the cracks while other countries continue to lead the US in the critical areas of science and engineering.

Moving on, I also talked to the administrator for the PhD program that I may start this summer and was corrected in that I DO have to retake the GRE and not only that, first year students take their written exams within the first week after classes start in the Fall in ALL the major areas of Chemistry. And for the uninformed, that's Analytical, Inorganic, Organic, Biochemistry, and Physical Chemistry!! P.Chem?? $hit, good thing I kept ALL my books and study guides, as if I had a feeling I would need them again one day!!!! Now someone may be asking where da hell did Chemistry come from? Well, I've already got an MS and ALL my credits would transfer. More importantly, I could concentrate in Computational Chemistry which is essentially the Chemistry equivalent of Bioinformatics. But most exciting for me, is that I could design my own program, which would of course include courses in Bioinformatics as well! Put another way, exactly one year from now, I could have nothing to do but my dissertation research (at the NCI) and defend it when I'm done!

BUT, what about my MCAT studying, there's no way in hell I can do ALL this including the courses I'm currently taking at the same time, but this is all VERY premature thinking since I haven't been accepted yet.

So in the absence of an acceptance, I'm still on the original plan, get my cert in Bioinformatics and prepare to take the MCAT this August. :)

Someone open a window so I can jump through!!

2011-03-29T17:20:00.000-04:00

When I look back over my academic life. the first very obvious thing one sees is the fact that none of what I've done followed any real fluid pattern. I flunked out of undergrad, went back as a double major but graduated with only one degree because I didn't want to stay that one more semester to finish the second degree (and Gainesville, FL was NOT a "place to be" in the early 90's IMHO). 3 years later, I finished that science degree (Chemistry), then moved to another state to complete preqs for graduate studies in Chemistry (while also taking pre type classes like Anatomy and Physiology). I finished grad school (MS in Chemistry), got accepted to a 3rd tier MD/PhD program but decided not to matriculate because my Dad, who had lived with us following his hemmoraghic stroke while I was in grad school, was now terminally ill with 2 forms of cancer.

Moved to metro DC, spent a couple years at the NCI doing cancer research, earned a second MS in Pharmacology, and now here I sit almost a year after I officially finished that program (I was delayed because the classes I took in the med school weren't accepted my the grad school) contemplating my next move. And in usually "I didn't see THIS coming, ain't life something" style, I will soon have to make a decision that will probably end up being one of those fork in the road of life decisions.

If given the opportunity to start a FULLY funded with stipend PhD program at my most recent alma mater this coming May, do I take it? ALL of my previous coursework would transfer, I do NOT have to retake the GRE, and I could possibly transfer to the MD/PhD program after my second year/qualifying exams. In other words, back door my way into the combined MD/PhD program.

Now I know what some of my serious type A readers are saying, "Hey, you're trying to back door your way into the program" to which I respond with "ya' damn right, I'll take it ANY way I can get it", LOL!!!! Back door, side door, basement, if my goal is to get into the program, I don't really give a $hit HOW I get in as long as I do. More than that, I've NEVER seen a CV which read Jane Doe, MD/PhD from the back door program in my entire life, so me AND my ego would be all good!!! Anyway, it's just an idea which presented itself in the past 24 hours but you can be damn sure I'm going to follow up with it!

And speaking of following up, I decided to spend this week working through the Princeton review MCAT verbal reasoning book and so far so good! I liked the one by EK for problems to work through, but this is has so many more in depth analysis of problems that I think it's going to be a perfect compliment to the EK passages book.

???????????

2011-03-27T09:48:00.000-04:00

So the title of this post is question mark because just couldn't think of a name, LOL!!! And really, not a lot has happened since I last posted anyway............

My interview situation was a little disappointing as I learned that my former prof decided to hire someone not long before he knew I was interested and that's just as well because a 30K cut in pay combined with a hellified commute and parking situation on campus probably means that situation worked out just the way it should have. I did have a phone interview with yet another Gov't contractor the difference being that this company is listed as one of the best places to work for in the US and in metro DC, and the salary range is between 100K to 130K!! Daayyyuuummm, I was like $hit sign me up, especially given all the perks of this gig including working from home 3 days/week and too many other things to list! Of course, if this were August 2011 when I would be close to being done with my Java programming course and completely done with my Intro to Bioinformatics and R for Stats course, I'd probably be talking about a start date instead of telling you that I think they're holding out on bringing me in for an in person interview because they want to see if there's anyone out here with more experience. No problemo, that works for me since if I did start anytime in the near future my MCAT studying will be instantly back-burnered so I could get my ducks in a row for this new gig. Yep, here we go with that again, LOL!!!

The thing is and I don't know how to really articulate where I am with this taking the MCAT/applying to med school thing, but I have a consistency with my studying that I haven't had in years!! And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I see the years between 2001 to say 2009 as my "in a serious funk that led to brain fog" mode since in a lot of ways, I feel like I wasted a LOT of time in getting toward my goal of finishing med school. However, when I really ask myself what was holding me back, I need only look in my nearest mirror for the answer. Now I'm no Psychiatrist, but I think it was the death of my grandmother and father within 6 months of each other that significantly contributed to getting me "to the walking in place way of living", illness/2 surgeries, and a "challenging" marriage with a kid struggling in school was simply the icing on the cake, so to speak.

But when I really think about it in the context of all the "normal" stuff that happens when you live this thing called life, I conclude that it simply wasn't my time, that I needed to come to terms with all the personal losses I've had over the last 10 years, get VERY focused, and make the most of what I've been so very blessed with moving forward. And that is easier said than done!

Opps don't know how I forgot to mention that in light of my "semi-retired" status LOL, I've decided to increase my hours volunteering for the Komen Foundation and I have 2 events next week! I really love doing these events but I'm such a big baby and often end up tearing up at some point when I think of all the people I know who died from cancer or when I see survivors whom I can almost look at and tell where they are in their recovery. So these outings end up being a mixed bag for me but I continue to do it anyway!

New York or Miami?

2011-03-18T19:27:00.001-04:00

So my interview went very well and I left recommitted to earning my MD/PhD. Not that I ever really gave up on the idea as crazy as it is for a middle age woman, but when you know your professional "calling" you just KNOW it no matter how crazy it sounds.

The thing is I can't really see myself living in either NYC or Miami even if my best opportunity right now is either one of those places. Of course, I let my interviewer/new mentor know that I had familial obligations that I didn't want to disrupt right now, though I would certainly consider it in 4 years when my kid finishes high school.

Other good news in all this is that I have an interview set up next week at my most recent Alma mater, for a position which is going to pay ~30K less than I recently made, but will give me that much needed bioinformatics experience!

I also had a chance today to meet with a young woman who was a resident MD/PhD when I was a predoc fellow at the NCI who flat out told me that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't get the PhD. And I can't say that I blame her since she had more issues than I've ever heard of anyone having trying to complete her PhD. She also told me that the more education you have the harder it is for a Black person, a sentiment I'd learned quite well over the past few years working in Pathology. The problem is that the Black folks who "make it" seem hesitant to help you for fear of being retaliated against by those in charge. Then there are those Black folks who fall into one of 2 categories, triflin' or uncle tomish, both of which can be far more hurtful both personally and professionally than ANY leader of the KKK posing as Department chairmen.

So I came away from the interview and meeting with my friend recommitted to what I need to do, but also very aware that mentorship from this point forward is key. And I promised myself (again) that when I finally achieved what I'd plan to do professionally, that I won't turn my back on the faces of those who look like me and are trying to do what I have done!

Non traditional dream crushers

2011-03-15T08:08:00.000-04:00

It probably doesn't come as a surprise to nontrad premed students that there are NUMEROUS naysayers to our goal of becoming physicians in mid life. But none are more disconcerting to me than those who are in my exact same age group. And far more disconcerting for me are those who are also URM's. Two cases in point, one of the recruiters at one of the top schools of public health in the US, literally tore me a new fecal orifice years back when I dared to meet with her to discuss earning an MPH to be followed in the future by the DrPH. Or the man who had the deciding vote on my app to a 5 year post bacc/MD program who just also happened to have flunked out of med school himself 10 years earlier. So why is it these people who gave up on their dreams, seem so resentful that I haven't given up on mine? And did I mention that BOTH of these people were Black? Crabs in a bucket........................

Moving on, I now sit at the Starbucks about a block from my home, I'm not feeling well and I'm trying desperately to keep from falling face first in my grande 2 caramel shot 1/2decaffeinated coffee until I realize a couple things. Today is my last official day on the job from double hell and I have my second interview at the NCI for a fellowship later this week. Yeah, pass the damn coffee, the MCAT books, my Java programming lectures, and throw in the Bioinformatics course I signed up for yesterday, this is pure heaven compared to where I could be. And sometimes that's ALL the reminder one needs to get on with it! :)

Yeah me!

2011-03-12T08:53:00.000-05:00

I've started and stopped this post about 5 times so now I've decided to post and not say much about my job situation until my official last day which is this upcoming Tuesday (and because the internet is FAR from "private").

My first NCI interview went quite well and I have a second up one day next week. After the interview, I went to talk with one of my mentors, who was one of the first Black women in the US to earn an MD/PhD just to get her up to date because I realized I hadn't spoken to her in a very long time! During our conversation, I learned that an absolute superstar MD/PhD specialist had NOT been given tenure and the grapevine was full of stories about how politically motivated the decision not to give him tenure was,. And when I say superstar, I mean as in he discovered a new genetic syndrome as a post-doc, had tons of publications and seemed easy to work/get along with (at least I thought so). And all I could think about were the things that had happened in my own research career, the ideas that had been "stolen", the papers my name had been "omitted" from despite having done substantial work, and on and on. I was also once again reminded of just how difficult it can be for a URM to succeed in a research career, which I know should have been obvious over the years by the infinitesimally small numbers you see in academia or with the feds.

So now as I contemplate going back to cancer research, I do so with a much more trepidation that I've felt career wise in a long time because now I have an example of someone I know personally who busted their ass and was STILL not be rewarded for it. And it scares me. I also thinking of ways I can one day in the not too distant future, take what I know how to do and essentially "fire my boss" one day. Of course, this doesn't change the plan as far as med school is concerned, but now I'm approaching my career from more of a business model point of view and given the economy, maybe this is what we should ALL be doing right now.

Moving on, my MCAT study is coming right along and some may have expected, I've amended the study schedule as follows:

Monday - Do 1st 1/2 of the odd numbered questions corresponding to chapter X from EK 1001 questions (abbreviated as 1st/2nd 1/2 of even/odd EK1001).

Tuesday - Read 1st 1/2 of Chapter X, complete first 1/3 of passages.

Wednesday - Read 2nd 1/2 of Chapter X , do 2nd 1/2 odd EK 1001

Thursday - Review Chapter X, complete second 1/3 of TBR passages

Friday - Review Chapter X, do 1st 1/2 even EK 1001

Sunday - Review Chapter X, complete second 1/3 of TBR passages, do 2nd 1/2 even EK 1001

I'll start this schedule on Monday, after trying the schedule I posted previously and realizing I needed to try a different approach. Since I know a lot of this stuff pretty well (being tested on it is a different story), it's better for me to start with reviewing questions first so I can see up front which areas I need to focus more attention on. For example, where as I was stuck with the 1st part of gen chem, I'm breezing through the first orgo book.

About, my java programming course, now that I'm using IDE and NOT trying to do things in DOS (which no one does anyway), my life is a LOT better! Of course, I still have to know if for quizzes/exams, but that's ok!

A lesson from Military Docs about poor work environments

2011-03-05T13:18:00.000-05:00

Some of my readers my recall my "banishment" from the most popular web site for premeds when I went ballistic on another poster for some blatantly racist comments. And though my IT knowledgeable DH has reminded me that as far as the web is concerned there really is no such thing as being "banished" from a web site, I've rarely visited the site in the 6 or so years since I was banned.

But today I visited the Military Medicine thread to get some insight on how Docs deal with hostile work environments since I know from my own work experiences that military medicine is notorious for high ranking, passive aggressive witches/women who make life hell for the doctors whom they outrank. And what lesson it was!!

I've always known that that the absolute worst thing you can do when dealing with a passive aggressive, coward/woman/bitch is let them know what they're doing bothers you in ANY way. And pretty obvious to the screaming banshee posing as a Vet Path I work with is REAL clear that I was very bothered by her talking about me with the Eggplant within earshot. In other words, I've been back in middle school since the bitch arrived in late October. But not long ago, I decided to flip the script so to speak beginning with playing my iPod just a little bit louder than I normally do so I can't hear them. But I first decided to go have a little chit chat with her in her office before hand after hearing them refer to me as "she" just one too many times. And let's just say I haven't heard "she" mentioned since then.

One thing I've learned in dealing with people like her is that they're "bad asses" when they have an "audience", but complete chicken shit's when you catch them one on one. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinger, so with the fakest smile I could muster, I told her that in my last few weeks here, if she had anything at all she wanted to talk to me about, to feel free to address me directly. And I said directly without blinking looking her straight in the eye, and without smiling.

Needless to say, my primary focus these days is to make the absolute best I can of things while I'm here because it's so clear than there's a good lesson albeit difficult one, for me to learn. And it's my intention to learn it well so I can use it when I'm in on the wards in my 3rd year of med school and beyond!

Finally, I have an in person interview at the NCI for a fellowship next week, so I'll be sure to let you know how that goes!!!

Path201X's MCAT study schedule?

2011-03-03T19:45:00.000-05:00

So I'm looking into developing a strict MCAT study schedule (that I'll actually follow this time, LOL), and here's what I'm gonna try beginning this Sunday:

MCAT Study Plan

1) Gen Chem Ct.1, complete first 1/3 of passages.
2) Re-read Gen Chem Ct.1, do corresponding even numbered EK 1001 questions.
3) Re-read Gen Chem Ct.1, do corresponding odd numbered EK 1001 questions.
4) Gen Chem Ct. 1, complete second 1/3 of passages.
5) Re-read Gen Chem Ct.1
6) Gen Chem Ct.2, complete first 1/3 of passages.
7) Re-read Gen Chem Ct.2, do corresponding even numbered EK 1001 questions.
8) Re-read Gen Chem Ct.2, do corresponding odd numbered EK 1001 questions.
9) Gen Chem Ct. 2, complete second 1/3 of passages.
10) Re-read Gen Chem Ct.2

I'll post on next Thursday to let everyone know how this one is working.

In other news, I had a phone interview for a gig at the NCI today. Yeah me! :)

Here we go again, yeah!

2011-03-01T21:55:00.000-05:00

So, I found out today that I'm being considered for another fellowship at the NCI and needless to say, I'm pretty excited! It's going to involve NO lab work but will rely heavily on my research experiences in the lab and my experiences in cancer epidemiology. More than that, it will cover the entire cost of my Bioinformatics training program so I'm absolutely giddy with "joy joy" feelings!!

These days however, the prospect of this new gig is the ONLY excitement I'm dealing with because I've missed some days at work thanks to a chronic GI problem I was dx'ed with over a month ago and needless to say, my absences aren't going over very well. I'm pretty sure I vaguely mentioned something in this regard not long ago in terms of some tests I needed to have done, but I kinda get tired of hearing myself talk about my health issues. What I'm realizing with this new "problem" is something I learned as an Eastern Philosophy major, that many times we have health issues due to unnecessary stress in our lives and it's a demonstrated fact that stress exacerbates clinical symptoms in my latest health "challenge". Now I recall being able to deal quite well with unrelenting stress in the past but maybe like so many other things in life, things change as you get older. Worse for me is the fact that while the meds I take work quite well, I have some pretty bad side effects which affect my ability to work. So I hadn't been taking them as my GI Doc ordered, hence I'm sick as 15 dogs again. Yuck!

Still and I'm sure saying this sounds like a broken record, I'm determined to complete the preq courses for my informatics training program and study for the MCAT as scheduled. But clearly, I'll have to get my health act "together" ASAP, or nothing I do will matter in the long run.

Back to reality.......

2011-02-26T08:19:00.001-05:00

and the reality is that in less than a month, I will be delivered from the bowels of employment hell!!!!!

You know, I have NEVER in my entire career been so happy to leave a situation before but I'm still thinking through what I'm going to do next. Maybe I should rephrase that, I'm still on the bioinformatics track school wise and I'm still studying for the MCAT< but what my next job is going to involve I have NO idea. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm having a Forest Gump moment, where my career right now is like a box of chocolates, because I have NO IDEA what I'm gonna get next. But having a lot of varied employment experiences, I'm fairly confident no change that, I'm supremely blessed in the sense that God has never, ever let me down in this regard. So I'm actually excited to see what happens next between now and my maritculation into med school.

As for the MCAT, I'm a little stuck right now studying acids and bases, but I'm sure that's in part because I'm just a tad bit distracted and didn;t study as much as I should have last week. But one thing that's clear in all I'm dealing with is that success in med school is going to be predicated on my ability to stay focused even in those rare moments when all hell is breaking out around me. And this is what I think my life right now is all about, staying focused, getting the job done, when I find myself surrounded by BS. I mean let's think about it for a minute, who would want to be operated on by a surgeon who is thinking about the argument she had with her husband the night before? I know I sure as hell wouldn't, but I often wonder how Docs manage to tune out personal stuff and get the job done, or maybe when mistakes are made they don't?

At any rate, I look forward to having a blessed, successful, productive week and hope you do too! :)

Who quits a well paying job in a recession?

2011-02-19T07:33:00.001-05:00

A person who realizes that life is too damn short!!!!

So I resigned from my position about 4 hours after having yet another meeting where the path I worked with resorts to yelling at others when she feels her opinions aren't being accepted. But the reality is that there's was a LOT more to it than that. Truthfully speaking, that wasn't what "broke the camel's back" for me as far as this job was concerned. It was a conversation I had earlier in the week with my kid where she basically says that I've been hell to live with for about the last 7 months, which doesn't ironically coincide with the day I started this gig. Add to that the fact that I helped a close friend check their Mom in a nursing home late night on the Thursday before last, only to see the mother pass way 4 days later, and it would be an understatement to say that I've had a hellified past 3 weeks.

But the other last straw for me occurred when my Supv not only defended the path's right to yell at me during the meeting (which was so loud that SHE was told to be quiet by another PI on the floor), she basically said in was my fault the last terrorist I worked with quit in front of the entire group. Now I think I've mentioned a few times now that my department of 4 people has had almost 10 people working there in the last 3 years, and between March of last year and this March, 4 people will have left. Yeah, that ALL sounds like my fault, especially those folks who worked there before I did!!

Now my take on my Supv is that she's a management ass kissing punk, having quit her job in the midwest to move here last May so the stakes for her a VERY high as it relates to a job. But why someone would relocate their life for a temp job with a gov't contractor I guess is a reflection of the times we live in, but I certainly can't imagine EVER doing something like that myself. Whatever, DH and kid are glad I quit and in fact not one person I've talked to who knows me well thinks it was a bad idea. The fact is that this was the most stressful job I've ever had and that's just my work as both a manager and scientist. Throw in that other asinine BS I was dealing with and now you have what I call a kettle full of hot molten bull$hit, LOL!!!! And to paraphrase Hancock from the movie with the same name, when asked by Ray, why he was almost buck naked stealing ice from an ice cream truck, "my ass got to be just a little too hot", ROTFLMBAO!!!!

Moving on, I now have all the time I need plus some to prepare for the MCAT, physician shadow in the Path dept at a local med school and also at a local nursing home, and complete my computer programming/bioinformatics course until my next gig is lined up. Speaking of gigs, I think I'm going to focus on teaching at a local CC which I've said before, but now I actually have some good leads to follow up on. However, my management days are over until I find myself in a field dominated by men and luckily for me, Bioinformatics may be just the ticket!

So now, I'm off to celebrate the end of my nightmare with my family on this long weekend! :)

Calgon, take me away!!!

2011-02-12T09:58:00.001-05:00

I imagine some of my readers aren't old enough to remember the Calgon commercials. Calgon was a bath salt advertised in the 80's (maybe late 70's) that used to show a working woman taking a bath after a long day. But I guess these days a commercial like this may bring to mind bath salts use as a drug of choice (and the idea of smoking or snorting or whatever it is they do, bath salts seems VERY strange to a person who grew up at the beginning of the crack epidemic).

At any rate, my plan was to go away for the day today, do some shopping, stay in a fancy hotel, then come back tomorrow, but I'm so tired from this past week that I don't think I could turn the key of the ignition in my car. And what a week it was, my job is beyond stressing me the hell out and I was ready to give my speech and bounce when I decided to visit my mentor again. I gotta say it was so good to see him since we communicate on a fairly regular basis but I hadn't actually seen him in years. And once again, I was reminded not to get off track and do something crazy (his words) like quit my job without having another one in place. Of course in this economy I get it, but I spent the night before dealing with the transport of an elderly, terminally ill woman to a nursing home facility, so I got up Friday morning VERY short on patience in dealing with stupid a$$ female coworkers! Getting back to my visit, I left his place inspired to remain in the muck and mire of immaturity and unprofessionalism that is my job yet another day until I could apply to med school, so decided for the hell of it to take an MCAT exam in Chemistry on my lunch break. I got a 13 so needless to say, I was hyped when I finally did return to the lab and quickly back to being my cheerful, you can kiss my a$$ self!!!

Black "tiger mom" meets unruly teenager!

2011-02-05T15:04:00.000-05:00

Most days I throughly enjoy being the Mom to a teenager, but this past week was the most trying ever (and unfortunately, I'm still in the middle of it as I write this)!

There was an article a few weeks back by a Yale Law professor who calls herself "Tiger Mom" that many American mothers took offense to. I didn't because while I did think that a few of her parenting methods were abusive (like not allowing a kid to use the bathroom or eat until they played a piece of music perfectly), I also understand minority parents doing everything they can to make sure their kids grow up being prepared for a world which is going to very likely hold their race against them. I'm familiar with this type of parenting because two of my daughter's best friends are Asian, one Chinese the other Indian. Not long ago, my daughter's chinese friend commented that I parent like a Chinese mother, and I felt that was one of the highest compliments I'd ever received as a parent! The fact is that Chinese mothers don't play the radio, which is one very strong reason why so many Chinese kids excel academically and in everything else they do. I also see the same kinds of parenting style in African and Caribbean immigrant parents which is why med and grad schools often have more blacks from these backgrounds than american born Blacks. So, it isn't strange to me that people who come to this country are taking of opportunities that many of the rest of us, especially american born Blacks, take for granted and that's just a fact!!!

Moving on to my parenting woes, my kid flunked her honors geometry final exam and ended up with a C for a final grade (down from an A), and unfortunately, it's a grade colleges and universities are going to see, both the failed exam grade and the "C" grade. Now my kid , with her high genius level IQ that she inherited father, is by far smarter than I ever thought I was, and attends a school in the best public school system in the country. So the question I'm asking is what is the 'effing problem here? I'll tell what it is, too much TV time, too much texting, too much computer game time and not enough study time. But good 'ol Black tiger mom can fix it and you can trust me on that!

Moving on, this past week at work was off the chain in that I'm starting to feel like I'm in the exact environment I was in on the job I was fired from back in 2009. But at the same time, I KNOW there's an amazing opportunity for growth for me, so I'm gonna hang in there, do my best, and let the chips fall where they may!

In sadder news, the mother of a friend of mine is very near death and as sad as it is, it really does help me keep a perspective with the shit I'm dealing with on the job and with my kid. Life is extremely short and we really do have a lot of power in how we choose to deal with the negative things that come up in our lives. So when I found myself becoming overwhelmed with work BS, I reminded myself that in the overall picture of things, this is just a job, a means to and end and that I have a far brighter future ahead. And if I dropped dead tomorrow due to the stress, they'd have a replacement for me in no time!! The fact is that as difficult as times are for me job wise, someone out there has it far worse. I also remember thinking when I saw this job advertised that God had a plan for me to have it and that sometimes when God teaches us a lesson, it's bittersweet (or just bitter in this case, LOL!!). So my best bet is to continue to do my job well, keep my head held high, and when the time comes, move on to the bigger and better things in my VERY bright future!!